We Have Mixed Feelings About Sven Sundgaard

A new blogging adventure

2009-06-09T09:43:00.002-05:00

The time has come for me to phase myself out of WHMFASS. Join me at a new blog:

Here's the blog's introduction. I'm doing this for a few reasons. I don't want to compartmentalize my ideas into different blogs anymore. Parenthood changes the timing for blogging as well as the things I observe worth blogging. I've been considering it for a few months, and I think it's time.

A lot of what you'll find there is similar to what you've found at WHMFASS. I hope the posting there will be much more frequent, and the mixture with content from my other blogs (I'm be cross-posting from Pacifist Viking, and the attempts at discussion of literature and ideas at Costanza Book Club will be moved to the new blog) should make it generally more interesting.

It's been fun, and it will stay fun at a new URL.

I for one welcome our new meteorological overlords

2009-05-26T14:21:00.004-05:00

After seeing Sven Sundgaard on the cover of Mpls St. Paul Magazine, (unless it was a different magazine--I glanced at it in a bookstore), I believe the man will spend the ensuing decades becoming the biggest local celebrity there is (meaning more people will Google him, find this site, and be disappointed about how little it is about him and how poor the overall quality is).

Perhaps in 30 years, when the Twin Cities area is renamed Target City (or Twin Cities Presented By Target?), Sven will be our figurehead mayor, telling us weather and presenting in a palatable fashion Target's new policies set forth for its city.

Commercial Life

2009-05-21T12:54:00.003-05:00

By far the creepiest part of my day is when that person in a pig costume starts dancing as if a stripper, and the men are watching, and then the person in the pig costume drops barbecue sauce on itself, and it splatters on the enraptured men.

Walmart in Sauk Centre

2009-05-16T13:22:00.003-05:00

The managers at the Walmart in Sauk Centre, MN need to do a better job training their employees to know that receipt checks are VOLUNTARY. The employee has a right to ASK to see a customer's receipt; the customer, however, is under no obligation to comply and may decline.

Months ago, a Walmart employee demanded I show a receipt for my purchases. Today, a Walmart employee demanded to see my brother's receipt. The employee was rude, surly, and demanding.

The employee at Walmart is a random person; sure, he can ask to see what's in my pocket, but that doesn't mean I just have to empty my pockets for this person because he says so.

Apparently Walmart in Sauk Centre assumes its customers are thieves, and rudely, impolitely demands that customers prove they are not.

Dear voters in Michele Bachmann's district:

2009-04-30T22:51:00.001-05:00

Seriously?

Sven

2009-04-21T13:38:00.001-05:00

Sven Sundgaard is back on the cover of Lavender, promoting Dining Out For Life for The Aliveness Project.

The Modern World is Alive With Magic

2009-04-18T21:41:00.002-05:00

There's such a thing as Diet Sunkist, and it has caffeine in it.

Commodification

2009-04-18T21:21:00.007-05:00

If you walk around a mall, you'll find many, many, many different products featuring the Peace Symbol. Many brands and many stores feature the Peace Symbol.* I'm extremely doubtful any of these stores are actually interested in the political (potentially subversive) intent the Peace Symbol may imply. They are capitalizing on a general mood (passive opposition to war) that contributes to a fashion trend.

So the Peace Symbol has become a fashionable symbol in a consumeristic culture. And in some ways, this makes the fashionability of the Peace Sign representative for the American mood toward war. There are few "supporters" of the current wars--most are weary and skeptical about these wars. But most people are either not so opposed to these wars they're taking any action, or feel incapable of taking any positive action (it does often feel like a helpless situation, that opponents of war can't really do anything to stop it). Thus people are willing to passively express these (general, vague) negative feelings toward war with the passive means we're most familiar and comfortable with: consumerism.**

*In my experience, the overwhelming majority of Peace Sign products are for women, which calls for further--if obvious--comment. Just as "real men" are supposed to love eating meat (just ask Taco Bell--men shouldn't just want steak but they should want "triple steak," and the only way men can eat a salad is if it is "fully loaded" and the lettuce is buried beneath meat), men are not expected to embrace the cuddly, mushy, huggy Peace Sign (usually around pink, purple, and pastels)--that's for sensitive, softer women.

**I own a hat, a bracelet, a key chain, a pair of pants, and three shirts with the Peace Symbol, and two more shirts featuring the word "pacifist." I'm rarely not wearing clothing expressing a peace message, and I love getting new clothes with the Peace Symbol. I'm not exempting myself from this critique.

Why I like "Parks and Recreation"

2009-04-17T12:27:00.004-05:00

Yes, the tone and humor is exactly, precisely that of The Office. But you know what? The Office is funny. Having another half hour a week of this style of humor is a good thing, not a bad thing.

Furthermore, The Office has gotten a little stale--I don't find it as funny as I used to. To take that style of humor, and apply it to entirely different characters, in an entirely new context, gives me uncontrollable, full-experience pleasure laughs again (when Amy Poehler called the town "lousy with hippies," I lost it).

Getting Birthday Gifts From Restaurants

2009-04-14T20:16:00.002-05:00

If your inbox can handle a few extra emails a week, go ahead and get on the email list of restaurants you like. So far for my birthday I'm getting a free giant piece of cake for dessert at Romano's Macaroni Grill, a free beverage from Caribou Coffee, and a free sundae from Culver's.

Commercial Inquiries

2009-04-07T14:13:00.002-05:00

Do you notice a lot of commercials start with questions? Have advertising experts determined this is a successful tactic to get peoples' attention, because people instinctively pay attention when asked questions?

Usually the question comes at the start of the commercial. Wherever it comes, though, I usually start answering. When some rube says "What's in your wallet?" I start with "ummm...a coupon for a free Diet Dr. Pepper...my PETA membership card....uh...a library card...maybe four dollars...a coupon for a free cinnamon dessert at Papa Murphy's...do you want me to keep going?" I don't think the commercial actually cares.

Start answering aloud whenever a commercial asks a question. It's fun, because if you're with people and they're not paying attention to the commercial (they usually aren't, and even if they are, they don't expect you to answer) they suddenly think you're talking to them about something else. Enough non sequiturs, and you could get committed, and then you get a break.

Television Confuses Me

2009-04-06T21:01:00.003-05:00

I don't understand how reruns work. For the last two months or so, I have been confused by the tv schedule. It seems like every other week is a new episode and every other week is a rerun. I get all excited to watch certain shows, and then they either aren't on (like New Christine last week) or they are reruns (like Grey's Anatomy last week and the Monday CBS comedies today). I wish shows would just do new shows for a couple months straight and then do a bunch of reruns. At least then I would know what to expect.

Kings

2009-04-05T21:20:00.001-05:00

Kings is a good show; I don't have mixed feelings. Watch it. Watch full episodes online.

TV Coverage of the Tobacco Tax Rocks!

2009-04-02T09:42:00.003-05:00

It's not the stock footage of people smoking that makes news coverage of the cigarette tax fun. It's when the network sends cameras out to find angry smokers willing to talk about how they're discriminated against, proudly proclaiming they'll still be smoking and they'll quit when they're ready. That's fun times.

Drugs Are Bad

2009-04-01T00:51:00.009-05:00

I know we usually stick to local interest stuff, but I found this amusing.

Saybrook man wanted to feel pain of shot

I wouldn't have given this article a second thought, but then I read this:

"The stepbrother did shoot Fortune and then began to cry and so did Fortune, according to the report."

Can you imagine seeing this happen? What would it take for a stoned guy to convince you to actually shoot him? I wonder what kind of logic he used to convince his brother that shooting him in the leg was a reasonable thing to do.

The whole thing is just insane.

Respect the beard

2009-03-29T19:57:00.004-05:00

I like when a male television character is going through something and he grows a beard. The beard conveys gravitas, and a turning inward. It shows internal conflict ("I have had neither the time nor the shallow vanity for my appearance, for I have been wrestling in my soul") and earned wisdom ("not only am I old enough and manly enough for a beard, but I have struggled for the self-knowledge this beard signifies").

Respect McDreamy's beard.

WHMFASS Urban Legends

2009-03-23T22:10:00.001-05:00

If your dog chews on toilet paper, don't use that toilet paper, or you'll turn into a werewolf.

Leftovers: living frugally, well

2009-03-18T14:08:00.001-05:00

Reheated spaghetti or rice doesn't sound appealing. But if you mix in fresh vegetables with the leftovers, you've got an appealing, tasty meal. Mix fresh food in with the leftovers, and the enjoyment of the meal improves greatly.

The Best Hour of Comedy on Network Television

2009-03-16T22:13:00.002-05:00

In my opinion, it is not NBC's Thursday night combo of The Office and 30 Rock. It is CBS's Monday night combo of The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother.

Both The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother have what most quality sitcoms feature: unique, unpredictable characters and very sharply written dialogue. But they are also both unique, and it is their originality that makes them particularly entertaining.

The Big Bang Theory often relies on conventional sitcom situations. What it does, however, is thrust odd, eccentric, smart, and creative characters into these conventional situations, and observes how these characters will play out the familiar situations. The result is often an unfamiliar storyline, unexpected plot twists, extremely funny actions and reactions.

How I Met Your Mother often transcends the conventional "situation," though often has familiar features. And the characters are unique, creative, and funny--they drive the show. But How I Met Your Mother often operates with unconventional narrative form: frame stories, non-chronological stories, stories told in pieces and from multiple perspectives. These narrative styles are familiar to students of literature, but How I Met Your Mother brings them to the sitcom in original and entertaining ways.

The shows treat their audiences like intelligent human beings. The result is an hour of television that is unpredictable and authentically funny.

Being Bourgeoisie

2009-03-13T08:19:00.004-05:00

Perhaps in college I could smirk at various excesses of American consumer life and say "Ah, that's so bourgeoisie." But as the skinhead in Tony Harrison's poem "v." writes, "now yer live wi' all yer once detested..." Now I'm constantly doing things that make me say, "Gosh, this is so bourgeoisie."

My regular coffee order? An iced soy latte. Is there anything in the history of civilization as bourgeoisie as an ICED SOY LATTE?

And as I take my pet POODLE for a walk (yes, a lapdog), and she finds it right and salutary to poop onto the sidewalk, I bend down with a plastic bag and pick it up. That isn't quite as bourgeois as an iced soy latte, but still makes me want to call myself a pig.

Local News Sort of Sucks

2009-03-12T22:33:00.002-05:00

Kare 11's lead 10:00 story: a community is annoyed because trains are left parked on the tracks.

Facebook

2009-03-12T22:29:00.002-05:00

According to Matt Labash, Facebook sucks. I use it now, but he's mostly right.

(via Arts & Letters Daily)

Local Interest Story

2009-03-11T22:19:00.001-05:00

In current events (since this is a blog about local media) the famed Cruelty-Free Mommy is back, after taking a full year off of blogging.

This vegetarian approves of Panda Express

2009-03-11T21:22:00.006-05:00

As a vegetarian living in a flesh-consuming society, I have to get accustomed to minor consumer injustices. I pay the same for my Veggie Delite footlong Subway sandwich as meat-eaters pay for a sandwich loaded up with meat and whatever vegetables they want (I don't even put cheese on my sandwich, though I now get the cheese on the side for my toddler). This is particularly galling as Subway actually raised the price of the Veggie Delite sub to $5 for the same promotion in which it lowered the price of meat subs to $5. So it goes--one gets used to it (I could just stop going to Subway, but living mostly vegan, Subway offers a good, healthy meal). Most restaurant menu salads include meat; ordering such a salad without meat sometimes lowers the cost, but often doesn't. Sometimes I just have to be happy if there is a vegetarian entree available (at a recent trip to Champps, basically the appetizer menu was all that was available to me. Of course, eventually I just don't go to restaurants that don't offer good vegetarian options, and frequent those that do...or eat at home, of course. If you mostly eat fruit and vegetables, there's no need to frequently get it served to you).

But I was surprised and pleased recently at Panda Express. At Panda Express, the entrees are primarily flesh-based, and the sides are vegetarian. To get food there, I fully expected to need to turn the sides into entrees. But after ordering the fried rice, lo mein, and mixed veggies, the cashier rang it up as three sides--which made the meal about $3 cheaper than if the sides were turned into entrees. I even said "Really?" and the cashier confirmed that yes, it's just three sides, so it's cheaper. It turns out to be a cheap, filling vegetarian meal.

Yay, Panda Express. At a different blog, "Yay, Panda Express" might follow with an exclamation point. But this is a blog of restrained feelings (look at the title). At this blog, you reallllly have to earn your exclamation points (though apparently you don't really have to earn extra consonants). I've also got a problem with parentheses.

Public Restroom Policy

2009-03-10T14:02:00.002-05:00

I detest some public restroom garbage cans. Do you know the trash bins that have a lid you have to push, and as soon as you let go, it springs back? This is the stupidest garbage can in the history of the world. So I either need to use my newly washed hand to push open a garbage lid that has been touched by who knows what and whom, or I need to use the paper towel to push it open, trying to let the towel drop into the trash before the lid springs shut (and it springs shut at super-alien-speed). If it doesn't work and falls on the floor, I get another paper towel and pick it up to try again, feeling bad about leaving trash on the floor of a public restroom.

No more. From now on if I'm forced to use a paper towel, and the spring-lid springs shut, pushing the paper towel to the floor, I'm leaving it there. It is a stupid garbage can, and it is a stupid decision to use them in public restrooms. Certainly, the poor employee who must clean up the restroom mess didn't make the decision on the stupid garbage can, but then that employee is probably forced to clean up messier problems than some used paper towels that didn't make their way into the trash bin.

There are many problems with public restrooms (I, for one, would like to get out of any public restroom without touching anything after I've washed my hands, but it is a rare bathroom that allows this easily). Spring-back lids on trash cans compound an already delicate situation into a misery.

Ahhh, Sven.

2009-03-07T15:54:00.002-06:00

The other day, I was watching my 2 year old while the 6:00 Kare 11 news ran in the background and suddenly I realized that what was being covered was not actually news, but fluff. I don't remember the exact topic (what makes rainbows so pretty? how exactly do spiders make their brilliant webs? who cares), but I remember going on a short tirade, saying something like, "This isn't even news! And it's only 6:09! Look, there is the little clock thing in the corner! 6:09!! What the hell is this?"

A moment later, the segment ended, and I learned from the graphic and voiceover that it had been "Simply Science" with Sven Sundgaard. Oops. Sorry, Sven. I forgot I am supposed to heart you.

Public Radio

2009-03-04T22:17:00.001-06:00

June Thomas at Slate on Public Radio's pledge drive ploys. Fun times.

Random Drizzle and Hail

2009-02-26T19:38:00.007-06:00

Now that I have a toddler, I watch a lot of Sesame Street. I tell you this: Elmo laughs like a psychopath. He'll walk up to a baby, or to a goldfish, and ask it a question. He'll look silently for a few seconds as the baby/goldfish (quite reasonably) just sits there. Then he throws his head back and laughs maniacally. But the writers for Elmo do have a sense of irony, too (like when Elmo said "Goodbye Dorothy...and friends of Dorothy...or like when the Violin said "we're going to watch a goldfish think? This should be exciting"...or like when Elmo--whose best friend is a goldfish--acts with indignant disbelief when a friend shows up saying a rock is her friend).

I had to make an exception to my vegan lifestyle: if you can't eat pizza and chocolate during a snow emergency, why even live in Minnesota?

I'm still astonished by canned green beans. For less than 70 cents, you get a meal that is 70 calories, no fat, 7 grams of fiber, and 3.5 servings of vegetables.

My favorite parts of The New Adventures of Old Christine are when Christine/Barb share an adventure, and when Richard/Matthew share an adventure.

Now that The Twilight Zone gets saved to my DVR, I truly never have to be bored again. And let me tell you something about the hour-long episodes: they are good. Yes, they drag a bit, and don't have the snappy twists. But the longer episode allows them to explore theme deeper. "He's Alive" ends with a haunting image of Hitler's shadow moving, as Rod Serling tells us about prejudice and bigotry. "Valley of the Shadow" really opens up an exploration of pacifism, freedom, and utility.

There are also playful episodes of The Twilight Zone: in one a writer's fictional characters come to life...yet he is a fictional character too, right?...and then when Rod Serling tries to come on and say so, the writer shows that Serling is a fiction and makes him disappear. Good times. Post-modernism, baby!

That Paul Newman makes a mean spaghetti sauce. Sockarooni indeed.

I asked my wife if she thought I was the youngest male in America with Celtic Woman on my iPod. No, she said: some little boys may share an iPod with their moms.

Minnesotans all eventually become existentialists. Shoveling snow is a Sisyphus type task: not only will there me more to shovel eventually, but if you didn't actually shovel, it would eventually go away on its own. Plus we have the Vikings.

Feeling "Culture"

2009-02-22T14:57:00.001-06:00

In some ways, being a parent of young children is like being a cheapskate: you are seriously limited in the options of what you can do. But even a parent/cheapskate can find art, poetry, and cultural enjoyment. Here are some ways.

Visit Museums. Art museums can actually be a good place for children. I brought my two-year-old to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts recently. There are big open spaces (lots of room for walking without fear of the child touching something he shouldn’t), and there are colorful pictures and big sculptures everywhere. My son walked around holding my hand going “Whoa.” Whoa.” “Whoa.” He loved it (it's surprising how much modern art is exactly what toddlers like to look at), and I got to look at art. And it is free.

Visit Libraries. A free place to go, and there are sometimes culture events going on. Most public libraries are extremely welcoming to children.

Get Netflix. If you’re raising little kids, you probably aren’t going to go to a lot of movies. Resign yourself to being six months behind and watch the movie when it reaches DVD. Being behind comes with advantages: sometimes after the buzz for a film dies down, you realize you really don’t want to see it.

Subscribe to Magazines. You don’t get to go anywhere, but while your children play on the floor in front of you, you can be flipping through The New Yorker.

Attend Religious Worship. Think about it: most traditional religious services involve performance of ancient rituals, reading of ancient texts, singing of historical hymns. There's poetry there.

Drink coffee. I go to malls once or twice a week. It’s a crass and commercial place to be, but it is a free, weather-controlled place to bring children and walk around getting exercise. And when I go there, I can get a soy latte at Caribou Coffee. And I ask you: what’s more bourgeoisie than a latte? This isn’t actually culture, but it is about the perception of culture: sitting and drinking a latte makes me feel like I'm doing something interesting.

Any other ideas?

Stop Trying to Make Me Care, Network TV

2009-02-16T21:21:00.003-06:00

Lately, I have been finding that network television is getting more and more intrusive in its attempts to make me care about shows I don't want to watch. Stop trying to lure me into getting hooked on more shows! I don't have the time.

I have already committed to Gary Unmarried. I tune in faithfully each Wednesday to find out for once and for all, will Gary Unmarried ever learn? So far, no. By the way, Gary Unmarried is NOT a good show. It is unfunny and unoriginal and poorly acted. I should really give it up, but I have a feeling one of these weeks, it will really turn around. So, I stick with it.

For whatever reason (maybe pregnant hormones?) I find myself getting really irritated about one show in particular that seems to want me to devote myself to it like I have to Gary Unmarried: Private Practice. I guess it has been somewhat successful, because I have seen I think 5 episodes of it, but that is just enough for me to know that I really dislike it. I assume that Private Practice has poor ratings, and since Grey's Anatomy rocks and is popular, they think a crossover is the answer.

I have nothing against a crossover in theory: for one week, we get an extension of a show we like, and as payment we have to watch scenes that will probably bore us because they feature characters and storylines that we are not invested in. It's not a terrible tradeoff, and I am usually willing to take part in it. Well, ABC has gone too far. The ongoing Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice crossover event is leading into its third week.

Yes, I said third week.

What makes me the maddest is that the first week of the "crossover" consisted of a regular episode of each show, where they had cases that were not resolved at the end of the hour and eventually (the next week) would link the two shows together. Well, thanks for the heads up, ABC! I didn't figure out that the "crossover" was phony until minute 52 (thank you, DVR) of Private Practice when Pacifist Viking asked, "Have your Grey's Anatomy people come on yet?" and then laughed at me when I said no. And by the way, all I would have needed in order to be ready for the second week of the crossover would have been one statement from Addison: "Hey Derek! My a-hole brother has a brain problem and might be dying. Can you operate on him?" That would have got me up to speed.

Anyway, now we are going into week 3 of the crossover, and I still want nothing to do with Private Practice. Only now, instead of just not being invested in the characters, I have grown to resent them. I hope they wrap this thing up this week, because I have enough to do on Thursdays without giving ABC 2 hours of my time. I mean, doesn't NBC deserve some love too?

Send me coupons, not pleasant greetings.

2009-02-12T12:48:00.002-06:00

I get on the email lists of any restaurants I like. I'm even a member of the Fuddruckers' Fudd's Club (they have a good veggie burger, you can load on your own toppings, and the open setup prevents a toddler from getting impatient because he can move around a lot).

Fuddruckers kindly sent me an email wishing me a happy Valentine's Day. The message says:

"This Valentine's Day, let your sweetheart know you really care with a romantic meal at Fuddruckers.

"We hope to see you soon!"

Thanks, Fuddruckers, for the greeting and hopes to see me soon. In fact, even though I don't know in what galaxy Fuddruckers constitutes "a romantic meal," my wife and I have discussed eating there on Valentine's Day (because any other restaurant can get difficult with that toddler). But you know what would have guaranteed we eat at Fuddruckers Saturday?

A coupon. A discount. Any sort of special offer. I mean, any at all. A free cookie probably would have got us into the restaurant. The pleasant greeting is not exactly wooing me.

So let this be a message to all the other restaurants that I've signed up to receive emails from: you can woo me away from Fuddruckers with some sort of coupon. Romano's Macaroni Grill, a free appetizer might do the trick. Papa Murphy's sent me some "Big Game" coupons that last through February--that might just be enough to convince me to grab some pizza for Valentine's Day (yes, pizza at home is a special occasion meal for me). Pizza Hut, can you top $3.00 off? Send me an email--I could go for a Stuffed Crust pizza for my Valentine's Day exception.

C'mon restaurants. Help me help you. Don't just send me pleasant greetings. Papa Murphy's is leading the race right now, but with a little effort and a little discount, you could be wooing a cheapskate to spend money at your restaurant for Valentine's Day.

Local Cat Lady

2009-02-11T11:02:00.006-06:00

118 cats removed from filthy St. Anthony trailer packed with dolls and debris

Wow, a real cat lady. That's probably not what she wants to be called. The Star Tribune refers to this woman as an obsessive compulsive animal hoarder. There's a lot of hang-ups that can come with OCD, but this might just be the worst kind. 118 cats.

Why do you mock me, commercials?

2009-02-10T20:04:00.002-06:00

Perhaps you've seen this commercial where the Diet Dr. Pepper starts moving to the snack aisle of the grocery store? When I first saw this commercial, I got giddy with anticipation. Will there be a chocolate flavored Diet Dr. Pepper? Yes, I would drink that. Is there going to be a Diet Dr. Pepper candy? Yes, I would eat that.

Alas, the commercial was merely an attempt to associate Diet Dr. Pepper with sweet desserts. Blah. I know Diet Dr. Pepper is sweet. I know Diet Dr. Pepper is good. Why would they make me believe some new, magical product would be entering my life?

And then there are the Denny's commercials, which highlight delicious-looking, tempting, desirable pancake meals, followed by the smackdown truth that these products are made up--Denny's is just offering you a "serious" pancake meal. I just saw one featuring pancakes smothered in pink frosting and candies, then was told I shouldn't desire this wonderful thing--I'm supposed to want a serious pancake meal. Well I don't want a serious pancake meal! I'm not sure I want a pancake meal at all, but that frosting-smothered pancake sort of made me want pancakes. But not a serious Denny's pancake.

Well, I don't know if I want Nanerpus:

I love sitcoms

2009-02-09T21:04:00.002-06:00

Read about The Big Bang Theory at Slate.

CBS is currently lording over a Golden Age of Sitcoms, including The New Adventures of Old Christine (Wanda Sykes needed a vehicle like this) and How I Met Your Mother (cleverly structured, sharp dialogue, occasionally absurdly funny). CBS comedies are sticking with the laugh track/studio audience, and for some reason it is still working.

Half Price Books

2009-02-08T19:16:00.004-06:00

Not only is Half Price Books a great place to get good books for...um...half price, but teachers and librarians can get another 10% off.

Dunkin' Donuts!!!!!!

2009-01-30T08:43:00.005-06:00

Do you think I would include six exclamation points in the title if it weren't justified?

Be still my heart! Dunkin' Donuts is coming to Minnesota!!!!!!

(I think six exclamation points is my human limit).

MPR

Teen Wolf: a story of a young man coming to terms with his changing body and evolving social identity

2009-01-27T17:25:00.005-06:00

Coach Bobby Fenstock is the underrated highlight of Teen Wolf--with Boof, Stiles, Chubs, even Lewis, it's too easy for him to get lost in the shuffle.

This clip from the end of Teen Wolf may not be safe for work.

Frugality and You: Own a Wok

2009-01-25T18:21:00.005-06:00

If you're trying to save money, you should to avoid eating out. Preparing food at home saves you a lot of money: even if the actual food items you purchase cost the same (unlikely, though possible) you save money by avoiding sales tax and tip, and you can't be tempted by expensive unnecessaries like restaurant beverages or desserts. But you still want good food, right? You just may have to work a little harder to prepare that good food (and you can spend a little more at the grocery store on quality food, knowing you're avoiding eating out).

If you like Asian food, there's an incredibly easy way to make very tasty food at home. Get a wok, and make stir fry. Do you think there's some sort of challenge to stir fry? Look at the name--the steps are pretty simple.

--Put a wok on the stove.

--Throw a bunch of stuff in it.*

--Stir.

*this may require additional work like cutting vegetables--easy but time-consuming.

That's pretty much it--you don't have to be any sort of chef at all to make stir fry, yet you can make a delicious and affordable meal. We usually toss in green bell peppers, red bell peppers, broccoli, onions, shredded carrots, and tofu (flavoring it with just a bit of teriyaki or sweet and sour sauce), though it is flexible. We then put that over brown rice. Do you think I'm any cooking expert? I'm not. But I can cut freakin' vegetables and tofu, and I can use a wooden spoon to stir it.

A wok and you: an affordable way to eat well.

A quality sitcom

2009-01-21T20:47:00.002-06:00

I always laugh out loud at The Big Bang Theory. It is a conventional sitcom, but with one unique feature--the primary characters are extremely intelligent scientists with socialization issues. The result is a smart and funny show. Sheldon in particular is an extremely well-written character.

The Modern World is Alive With Magic

2009-01-16T07:44:00.001-06:00

If yesterday somebody had told me that if your house isn't getting water, you just need to run a hair dryer over the pipes, I would have said, "Away with your black magic voodoo!" And yet this morning I, with much relief, know it to be true.

When I Was Dead Broke, Man, I Couldn't Picture This...

2009-01-11T20:35:00.003-06:00

Target is giving a $5 gift card with the purchase of ten 20oz bottles of Sobe Lifewater, which are 10 for $10. I can deal with that.

I've never had Lifewater, but I'm looking forward to using the gift card to buy the Notorious Soundtrack.

Brilliant Dialogue

2009-01-05T18:50:00.002-06:00

A witness in a case just said the following on Law & Order (and I don't think it was supposed to be funny):

"I'd put panties on every head in Abu Ghraib prison if I thought it would save one innocent life."

As my wife said, "Why would it?"

If you're a television writer, and you're writing the military officer's "ends justify the means" quote on torture, you're really going with panties on the head? That's how you dramatize the argument? That's your best move? Well played, television writer. Well played.

Holy Land: the best hummus and pita bread

2008-12-29T23:37:00.002-06:00

Holy Land makes the best hummus and the best pita bread I've ever tasted. I already loved the hummus, and today I bought some pita bread to smear the hummus on, and I thought I had found vegan heaven. I've just bought their food at Cub Foods, but I'll have to check out their restaurant and store in Minneapolis.

My heart-felt recommendation for Minnesota company and its delicious food.

Happy Festivus!

2008-12-23T13:36:00.001-06:00

It's a Festivus for the rest of us!

McDonald's in Wadena, MN

2008-12-22T08:18:00.004-06:00

Why have a blog if you can't publicly complain about bad trips to stores and restaurants? Here's the email I sent to McDonald's.

On Sunday, December 21st, I stopped by the McDonald’s in Wadena, MN a little before 7:00 p.m. It was about 10 minutes before we were able to order, and then after ordering, it was 10-20 minutes before we got our food. But a long wait was only part of the problem.

While standing waiting for our food, another customer came to order, and explicitly said he had a large order. Yet he got all of his food and was out the door long before I got my food. I didn’t have a complicated order (two fries, a shake, an iced latte), so I didn’t really understand why a customer who came in long after I did got his food long before I did.

I did finally get my food, and I asked somebody an employee why a customer that came in after me got his food after I did. I did not get any real attention or concern, and certainly not an apology. The employee (who may have been a manager, I’m not sure) quickly gave a meaningless explanation then walked away.

Furthermore, my brother made an order that the employees in McDonald’s forgot. So he was standing there (with a very simply order: burger, fries, drink) waiting for an order that nobody was bothering to make. Many other customers were getting their orders while his order was forgotten about. And when he finally asked, he was told they lost/forgot his receipt, then quickly put together his order. They also did not apologize to him for the wait. In fact, at no point during this trip did any employee show any concern for us.

This was a day that we spend six hours in a car visiting people for Christmas. While I stood in McDonald’s for about a half an hour, my pregnant wife sat in the car and my two year old son cried. We thought we could stop and get a quick bite; we didn’t expect to add a half hour to our trip.

I will certainly never stop at the McDonald’s in Wadena again: the service was excessively slow and the employees were excessively indifferent. But in the future, if I want to stop and get something to eat, I’ll probably choose any other fast food restaurant over McDonald’s (which is probably best: my family is vegetarian, and while some other fast food restaurants offer sandwiches for vegetarians, McDonald’s does not). A long wait and poor treatment just isn’t worth it.

UPDATE: McDonalds' took effort to contact me and offer to rectify the situation. Thanks for the response.

"You can't handle the truth!"

2008-12-12T10:21:00.005-06:00

In England, a teacher tells young children Santa Claus doesn't exist. Hilarity ensues (The Guardian).

Children are supposed to slowly come to realize that they've been lied to by people they trust about something they care deeply about, that the magic they hope for doesn't exist. Perhaps they're supposed to learn it from each other. You're not supposed to just tell them!

Stupid Dialogue

2008-12-12T10:05:00.001-06:00

PV: See! House gets away with being scraggly and unshaven all the time!

PV's Wife: You do too.

PV: Oh yeah.

How The Office lost its way

2008-12-06T23:53:00.004-06:00

Jim used to be the loser everyman that never got what he wanted. So when he mocked everything around him, when he couldn't take anything or anybody seriously, when he acted like he was better than everything, it was endearing. He was well suited to explore with us this silly, absurd world filled with its bizarre characters.

But now that Jim is with Pam and he's happy, it's not so fun to watch him act like he's better than everybody else. Now, it's just smug. Perhaps, too, we've learned more about the other characters in the office, and now that they're interesting and funny, it's not as fun to see somebody act like they are all beneath him. But mostly, it's no longer a loser smugly and indifferently mocking everything around him. Now it's a happy, contented person that just arrogantly acts like everybody around him is idiotic and small. That's usually the character we dislike.

Or maybe it's just not as funny anymore.

Cheap Pop!

2008-12-02T17:51:00.001-06:00

Target is running my favorite sale: five Pepsi products (12-packs of cans or 6-packs of bottles) for $15, then you get a $5 Target gift card.

Walmart (3)

2008-11-30T00:03:00.004-06:00

I'm obsessive-compulsive: things tend to linger in my mind. I also generally avoid conflict (though if you've been reading this narrative, you likely find that hard to believe!), so when a conflict occurs, I spend a lot of time mulling over my actions. And so after much mulling, I decided to email Walmart again with more detail (see post one and two on the subject). Below is the second message I sent:

Hello: I know I already emailed once to complain about a situation. I felt I should email again to provide more detail.

As I was leaving the Sauk Centre Walmart on Friday, November 28, I heard an employee say "Wait, I need to see your bag."

I want to be very clear about this. I did not see or hear any security alarm going off. And the employee did not simply ask to see my bag. She ordered me to stop, claiming she needed to see my bag. I felt she had no authority to give me such an order, and so I had no obligation to follow her order. I told her I did not want her to look at my bag, and that she had no right to look at my bag. I then continued to walk outside.

At this point she yelled, followed me into the parking lot, alerted another employee to follow me (and I believe that employee attempted to write down my license plate number). After being treated with such suspicion, I felt I should turn my car around and explain further.

Bag/receipt checks are voluntary: once I have purchased items, they are now my property, and if I don't want to let another person look at them, I don't have to. And if the employee had 1) been trained to know that bag/receipt checks are voluntary, or 2) had asked to see my bag rather than simply ordering me to stop so she could see my bag, perhaps I wouldn't have been yelled and and followed into the parking lot treated with suspicion.

I am not looking for any employee to be punished. But after being treated with such suspicion, I felt compelled to contact you to give you my feeling on the situation. I did nothing wrong, but I don't feel I was treated very well.

Wal-mart (2)

2008-11-28T21:00:00.002-06:00

Read about the situation here. Below is a copy of the self-righteous, indignant email I sent to Wal-mart (the email form includes my name, address, and phone number):

I hope in the future you will inform your employees that bag searches or receipt checks are voluntary: customers may consent to them, but we may also refuse. It is, in fact, a Constitutional right:

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

Today, after paying for my purchases, a Walmart employee asked to look at my bags. After I informed her I did not want her to look in my bags, she protested, and I said she did not have a right to look, and I continued to walk to my car. Because she followed me into the parking lot and alerted another employee to follow me (presumably to write down my license plate number), I decided to turn around and explain that I left because Walmart employees do not have a right to examine my bags or receipt without my consent.

Still, I was bothered: I felt like I was accosted and accused, when in fact I had done nothing wrong. I only declined a bag/receipt check because I have a Constitutional right protecting me from "unreasonable searches and seizures" (and yes, looking in bags or receipts is an unreasonable search and seizure, as the 4th amendment to the Constitution includes "papers, and effects."

I fear that Walmart is not concerned with its customers' Constitutional rights, as I was yelled at and chased into the parking lot for no good reason.

The Wal-mart in Sauk Centre, MN

2008-11-28T13:05:00.012-06:00

From The Consumerist:

"According to consumer reporter Asa Aarons, unless you've signed a membership agreement contractually obligating you, bag searches and receipt checks are voluntary. As in, you can refuse.

"If the retailer has a reasonable suspicion you're shoplifting, however, they can detain you at will."

Wal-mart has had issues with this in the past, as you can read about here, and here, and here. My story isn't quite so bad.

This morning at the Sauk Centre Wal-mart, I went with my brother to buy some items. I purchased the items and began to walk out with them. As I attempted to exit, an employee told me to wait so she could check my bags/receipt. I told her I did not want her to look in my bag. She protested, and I told her she had no right to look in my bag. I then proceeded to walk out, ignoring her. She tried to stop my brother, but he decided to follow me. My brother says it is not an exaggeration to say she was yelling at us.

I also think it is important to note that the employee did not merely ask to see my bag/receipt; she did not seek my consent. She gave me an order, saying something to the effect of "Wait, I need to see your bag." I felt like she had no authority to give me such an order, and thus I had no obligation to follow her order.

The employee followed out the door, and as I walked to my car, she alerted another employee outside, who followed me. As I drove away, it appeared to me he was writing down my license plate number. To avoid any lingering hassles, I turned around.

A manager was in the parking lot. I rolled down the window and explained that as a customer (who is not a member with a prior agreement), I had no obligation to let an employee look in my bag. I preferred not to be hassled, and just wanted to leave. Once I've purchased the items, I'm allowed to leave and they don't have a right to search me.

The manager explained this had nothing to do with searching me (though if they were going to look in my bags or look at my receipt, it is a search: the fourth amendment specifies "papers, and effects"), but that they have the right to check receipts. I explained I knew the law, and that they did not (of course, they have a right to ask to see my receipt, but as the Consumerist reports, it is my choice whether or not to comply). Of course if they had reason to believe I had stolen something, they could stop me. Do you suspect me of stealing?, I asked. The manager said she did not, though she did suggest it was strange why I wouldn't want somebody to look in my bags. She also said the security alarm went off (I did not hear a security alarm as I had exited), and the employee was supposed to check when that happened. She further added that sometimes the alarm goes off because of an error scanning merchandise (though that means nothing to me: if I didn't steal anything, then I had nothing to do with any alarm going off, which in this case I don't even think happened. But people often walk through security alarms when they mistakenly go off. They generally keep walking. I do: I know I didn't take anything, and I have nothing to do with a machine buzzing beyond my control, so if I want to keep walking, I keep walking. A machine buzzing doesn't automatically take away my rights). Finally I said that if she suspects me of stealing, I'll pull over and show my bags and receipt, even though I am not obligated to do so. She said she did not, and she let me go.

All in all, it wasn't a big deal. The employee was clearly not well trained to know that any bag search/receipt check of customers at a store are voluntary. But I was not detained--merely hassled, slightly accosted, obviously accused.

Why did I not just show my bags? I did not steal anything. I had done nothing wrong, and I had nothing to hide. But it is a matter of principle. I'm appalled by the suggestion that "If you have done nothing wrong, then it shouldn't matter if I violate your rights." The police can't do that (see the 4th Amendment), and private businesses can't either. We have rights, and for a merchant to search or seize a person, that merchant needs probable cause (such as witnessing stealing). I don't have to say "Well, I didn't do anything wrong, so I guess I'll set aside my rights and let you search my bags." I simply don't have to do that: I have the right not to be accosted in such a way. Bag searches and receipt checks are voluntary. In this case, I chose not to allow my bags to be searched or my receipt to be checked, and so a Wal-mart employee yelled at me, followed out into the parking lot and sent another employee to follow me. She apparently did not know that my consent to a bag search/receipt check was voluntary.

Oh, Gary Unmarried. Will you ever learn?

2008-11-19T22:11:00.003-06:00

I have called Frasier the uber-sitcom: the show explored every possible conventional sitcom scenario you can think of. They brought "character overhears part of a conversation and misinterprets it with hilarious results" to an artform.

But there's a new uber-sitcom. It's not as good, but it uses many familiar sitcom situations. I'm talking about Gary Unmarried. After last week's "guy is at a restaurant with one woman and must keep her from seeing another woman who is also at the restaurant" situation, this week we're enjoying the "guy and gal aren't together but must pretend for somebody else that they are together, and the audience knows the truth, with hilarious results" scenario.

Jokes about men and women not getting along? Oh, hell yes. Jokes about sexless, joyless marriages? You betcha. Jokes about a hapless male who just doesn't get it? The show is called "Gary Unmarried" folks--what do you think?

Sometimes I find myself not quite understanding, and I have to stop to catch up. "Wait a minute: so a woman called a man to tell him something personal and slightly sexual, and he had her on speaker phone for a large group of people, and she didn't know she was on speaker phone, with hilarious results?"

Oh, Gary Unmarried. What will you get yourself into next?

Do your job, fortune cookie!

2008-11-14T18:06:00.002-06:00

After enjoying some Thai food from Taste of Thailand Restaurant, I turned to my fortune cookie to guide me the rest of my day, and perhaps my life. And here is what the fortune cookie told me:

"An important word of advice may come from a child."

Well, I know a child may give me advice. But right now, I have you here, fortune. It's your job to give me a word of advice. Why can't you give me advice, fortune cookie? Imagine if I walked into Subway and the employee told me "Your mother may make you a sandwich." Sure she may, but you're here now!

Thanks for nothing, fortune cookie. Now I'm left to fend for myself, or wait for a child to come give me advice.

Miller Lite demands excessive brand loyalty

2008-11-02T20:33:00.003-06:00

There's that one "More Taste League" commercial when a guy is at a bar and he orders a Miller Lite. The commissioner, disguised as a bartender, says they're out. The poor sap says, "OK, any lite beer then." The commissioner then calls him "Busted:" he's not supposed to drink any other beer but Miller Lite. Even if Miller Lite is not available, Miller Lite doesn't think this poor fellow should drink any other beer. So if you're out at a bar, and that bar isn't serving Miller Lite for some reason, you should drink water, or nothing. Maybe gin. But you're not supposed to order another beer.

Unintentionally Stupid Dialogue

2008-10-31T21:46:00.003-05:00

In House on Haunted Hill, Taye Diggs says "That was the most fun I've had all day." Ali Larter responds, "You need to get out more."

He said "all day." What, he's supposed to get out more today?

It was a particularly lousy day: after all, he had spent the day in a crazy millionaire's haunted mental hospital. I don't know that his lack of fun that day is indicative that he's not getting out enough every other day.

My favorite current sitcom:

2008-10-30T20:29:00.002-05:00

I'm surprised to say it: The New Adventures of Old Christine. No other show so consistently makes me laugh out loud, and I never expect it.

Cold Case

2008-10-25T23:06:00.003-05:00

On this show Cold Case, these detectives go around solving these old murders that have been sitting around unsolved for years. My wife is vexed by this show. For one thing, how do these mastermind detectives solve the crimes that detectives couldn't solve immediately after they occurred? Generally by...going around and talking to everybody that might have been involved. Didn't the original detectives think of this? Or were they just really bad at asking questions? What happens over a period of years that makes the killers decide to confess? Couldn't these same questions have been asked right away?

And why are these super-detectives using basic investigative interrogation techniques to solve old crimes? Maybe if they put these brilliant masterminds on current cases, there wouldn't be so many cold cases in the future.

standing up to the liars at NBC

2008-10-23T19:27:00.003-05:00

There's a commercial for the new NBC show "Kath and Kim" that says "everybody" loves the show. But I don't.

Michele Bachman: embarrassing

2008-10-18T00:28:00.005-05:00

Dear 49 other states,

We're sorry about Michele Bachman. We're embarrassed.

Signed,

Minnesota (or at least those liberals in Minnesota, whom Bachman may or may not think are "anti-American").

P.S. But it is fun to watch Chris Matthews try to ask questions to make Bachman take ownership of her implications, while Bachman blithely goes on in her silliness. It's like watching an Ali G interview.

Boost the Economy: Stop Political Ads

2008-10-10T08:41:00.004-05:00

Our economy is in crisis. We're a consumer economy, and we need to boost consumption to get back on track. And I have a simple proposal to boost consumerism.

Stop campaign advertisements.

I rely on commercials to tell me what pizza to eat, to inform me about how much fun I'll have if I choose one brand of pop over another, to let me know how many calories are in bottles of beer, to tell me where I'm supposed to buy my pants. How am I supposed to consume goods when there are fewer ads telling me which goods to consume?

When I should be learning about new cell phone plans directly from the cell phone companies, I'm instead looking at images of Barack Obama, John McCain, Norm Coleman, Al Franken, Erik Paulson, Ashwin Madia. And according to these commercials, each of these men is bad. How am I supposed to purchase products when all I know is why I can't trust these fellows?

When John McCain put out an ad calling Barack Obama dishonorable for merely mentioning that civilians in Afghanistan are being killed in air attacks (by they way, they are), he is taking away somebody else's opportunity to try sell me a car.

It's a miracle I even know how much a footlong sandwich at Subway costs; if politicians had their way, I'd never get the chance to be informed.

So, campaigning political candidates, if you really want to help this economy, how about making sure decent, hard-working, good old fashioned corporations still have an opportunity to hawk their wares.

Frugality and Clothes

2008-10-08T09:58:00.004-05:00

One of the ways I've saved money over the years is to rarely if ever buy myself new clothes. I would rely on my existing wardrobe for as long as possible, changing it primarily through family hand-me-downs and Christmas gifts.

This lifestyle has actually allowed me to build up a pretty big pile of clothes, but there's a problem: my clothes don't fit. I get pants that I've never tried on, so they may or may not fit right. Generally they are too big and I need a belt or suspenders, or they just hang too loose. Furthermore, I lost a bunch of weight, and so even clothes that could basically function were way, way too big. I've just gotten used to having pants with a very wide waste, with cuffs that always get worn away because they get under my shoes, with baggy legs that are always rubbing against each other.

But in the last two days I've tried on some pants that fit right. They might be the first pants I've had that fit properly since...well, I don't even know. But it feels wonderful. And now I realize: it's good to be frugal, but you should still try acquire clothing that fits. I feel much, much better about my day because I am wearing pants that fit. The waste is just normal. There isn't a whole bunch of extra fabric flowing around my legs (I can walk without the fabric from each leg rubbing together!). The bottoms aren't getting caught under my shoes.

And besides, it's not that expensive. I bought two new pairs of pants this week for a grand total of $21.16. If you shop off of clearance racks, and shop at cheap stores (Target, Old Navy, Kohl's), you can actually get really cheap clothes.

So now I'm committed: I buy my own clothes (I also bought a sweater just because it is a sweater Geoffrey Tennant sometimes wears on Slings & Arrows). It's not something I would have done in grad school when I was living on super-duper frugality, but it's something I can do now that I'm just living on regular frugality (with some excessive exceptions).

Right now, having clothing that fits feels like some sort of extravagant luxury. I'm living it up, baby!

A blog you might enjoy.

2008-10-03T18:45:00.001-05:00

It's about shopping. It's about the Twin Cities. We like it.

Unchain My Cart.

If the Vikings were Republicans

2008-10-02T18:50:00.002-05:00

It is halftime of the week two matchup between the Minnesota Vikings and the Indianapolis Colts. The Vikings are leading the game 9-0. Head coach Brad Childress comes into the locker room wearing shoulder pads, a jersey, even a helmet. Behind him on the wall is a sign reading "Mission Accomplished." To the cheering of the players, Childress declares major football playing against the Colts to be completed.

After another hapless game by Tarvaris Jackson, Jackson faces the media in a press conference. He's confronted by questions of his poor decision-making, his inaccurate passes, his inability to allow the team to sustain drives or finish drives. After Jackson is done taking questions, Childress pats him on the shoulder and says "You're doing a heck of a job Jacksony."

Viking offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell tells the media just before the 2008 season begins that "The fundamentals of the Viking passing game are strong."

Consumer Information You'd Never Suspect:

2008-10-01T19:35:00.004-05:00

Several variations of Oreos are vegan-friendly.

Or at least I think they are: it depends on where "polyglycerol esters of fatty acids" come from. And now that I think about it, maybe I don't want to eat something that has that in it.

But some sugar wafers are vegan. Even some brands of chocolate frosting are vegan. Wild world.

A blog you might like:

2008-10-01T19:21:00.000-05:00

Retail Damnation

Commercials that talk to us.

2008-10-01T19:15:00.004-05:00

Battery commercials tend to make assumptions about assumptions we have about batteries. There's a commercial that says "If you think all batteries are the same, consider this..." Who thinks all batteries are the same? Could I just take a regular AA battery and stick it in my cell phone?

Thanks for reminding me, battery company, but I already didn't think all batteries were the same before I saw your stupid commercial.

Bathrooms in the Twin Cities

2008-10-01T19:15:00.001-05:00

OK, the men's room in Macy's at the Maplewood Mall is awesome: spacious, clean, inviting.

George W. Millen

2008-09-25T22:37:00.007-05:00

From the beginning there were questions about whether or not he deserved the job. Did he really earn it? And then very quickly there arose questions about how much time he spent away from the job, how hard he was willing to work.

Then disasters started happening, one after another. And over and over again, he showed incompetence attempting to deal with problems. His detractors began to find him personally loathsome. But it wasn't personality that drove his critics mad: it was his consistent bungling, his constant mismanagement, his frequent mistakes.

Soon he showed a stubborn character, an unwillingness to recognize a mistake, a persistence in continuing along the same plan again and again. "Stay the course" was the mantra. Even though it looked incredibly stupid, he vowed to continue following the same path, continuing the same mistakes, again and again.

Despite a questionable record, he got a job extension. For better or worse, he was going to have the job. And he continued to mismanage everything, badly. During his time as leader, the organization he led suffered through an intensely difficult period, a time fraught with failures and struggles. Things often went badly, and he showed no ability to actually deal with the problems that arose (in fact, many believed he was responsible for those problems). It was a bad time for the organization, and whether leadership was the cause, or whether leadership was simply unable to deal with circumstances, is up for debate. But without a doubt leadership was poor. It was a rough period characterized by an incompetent, stubborn, unlikeable, clueless, awful leader.

George W. Millen.

The Detroit Lions will be better off when he's not running things. So will America.

Note:
After writing this, I thought "There are surely others who have seen this connection and written this sort of thing before me (and done better)." Indeed, here are a few:

Daily Kos
KFAN message boarders
Fanhouse commenters

Consumerism in Conflict

2008-09-24T09:09:00.003-05:00

I am perhaps a bit too obsessed with Subway. As a mostly vegan vegetarian, Subway's veggie sandwich is just the best meal I can have. Whenever I choose or am forced to spend money on something else, I set that in relation to Subway: for every five dollars I spend, I think "this could have got me a sub." If I ever manage to save money, or choose not to spend a certain amount of money, I divide that number by five and announce "I am now entitled to X subs."

And that's not a bad thing. While a cheap person doesn't want to pay five dollars for a meal too frequently, a healthy person can be very pleased with a veggie sub. It's a filling meal with few calories and loads of fresh vegetables: I'm pretty sure just writing that talked me into getting a sub today.

But now I have Caribou Coffee's soy latte's chasing after Subway as my consumer obsession. I'm afraid every day I will at some point think "When and how can I get Caribou Coffee today?" When my alarm goes off and I'm tired, I think "Caribou Coffee will rescue me from this exhaustion." I'm just chasing after that beautiful espresso. But as a cheapskate, I can't really have both Caribou Coffee and Subway that often.

From a frugality standpoint, I have to choose Subway. No matter what each day we must get meals, and a sandwich is itself one of those meals; if I have a soy latte, I still need to seek out (and pay for) a meal. But now I have two consumer obsessions trying to separate me from my money.

Restrooms around the Twin Cities

2008-09-11T13:40:00.002-05:00

Welcome to a new feature in which we highlight good public restrooms.

In the Maplewood Mall, I like the men's room on the first floor of Kohl's. The fact that (a) it's tucked away in a far corner and (b) it's a men's room in Kohl's seems to mean it is used little, for it is very clean and empty.

That is all for now.

Are you scared? You should be: you're desperate.

2008-09-05T18:50:00.003-05:00

Scare Tactics is the Sci Fi Channel hidden camera show in which people get the piss scared out of them. The target gets put into an isolated situation, then some sort of scary event occurs to scare the person. It's horrifyingly funny.

But here's what disturbs me. To get the target into a scary situation, the target is often given a job in some isolated location late at night. So, to be a target on this show, you have to be desperate enough to take a part-time job on short notice in an isolated place in the middle of the night. After scaring the hell out of the person (in the best episode, the target is usually convinced he/she is about to die), they tell the person that "You're on Scare Tactics." Of course, first the target stares around confused because he/she has probably never heard of Scare Tactics because it's on the Sci Fi channel. And then...that person that was so desperate for money, he/she agreed to short-term work at an isolated location in the middle of the night...realizes he/she doesn't have a job.

Ragstock, you magnificent bastard!

2008-09-01T14:49:00.003-05:00

Chance found me in the Ragstock in the Mall of America today. And lucky chance it was: nice sport coats for $6. Six dollars!

So know this, college students. Before you imagine your professors are living the swanky life, remember that they may be standing next to you in Ragstock shopping for clothes to wear to class because it's what they can afford.

Nobody cares, but I don't like Wendy's commercials

2008-08-26T18:12:00.002-05:00

Wendy's has a stupid commercial in which they pretend they're the first ones to consider putting hot chicken on a salad. It's always fun when people pretend they're being innovative. Hey! I just had an idea! I'll have blog, where I write snarky, sarcastic posts about things in pop culture that annoy me!

But now they have that "Meatetarian" commercial where they cock off vegetarians. And why not? I'm sure there are very few vegetarians in the Wendy's customer base. When I saw the commercial, I just turned to my wife and calmly asked, "Did we just get made fun of?" And then I continued about my business of never going to Wendy's.

Commercials that talk to us

2008-08-24T22:03:00.003-05:00

You know that commercial with the woman that says "You know that song 'Time in a Bottle?'" I always say "No, no I don't." But every time she continues to talk as if I do know that song "Time in a Bottle." I guess I can still piece together what she's trying to say: language comprehension does rely on context, and after all, you don't really need to know that song "Time in a Bottle" to know what she's talking about.

We are Lazarus!

2008-08-24T22:02:00.003-05:00

We wouldn't be the cruddy, directionless blog that we are if we didn't forget to post for most of summer. But we're back, baby!

Restaurant Coupons on the Internet

2008-07-10T09:07:00.003-05:00

If I'm planning on going to a restaurant for any reason, I've started checking that restaurant's webpage just to see if there are any promotions. It's a good way to go about business.

This week I am going to Romano's Macaroni Grill, and bingo: provide some basic information (name, email, address), and you get a coupon for a free appetizer. That's some sweet action!

"Found Money": excuse, or frugality perk?

2008-06-22T22:13:00.004-05:00

Sometimes in life we get money that we don't expect, or save money that we had accounted on spending. How should we treat this?

Here are a few examples. I opened a recent bill to find that I had been overcharged $39 the last time I was billed. As a result, this money is applied to my current bill, which as it happens means it covers it all (and lowers the next bill). That is $39 I had basically spent, that I'm now getting back (sure I was never supposed to have spent it, but in the initial bill the overcharge did not stand out to me--it was what I had reasonably expected to pay). I also planned on buying about three pairs of pants in August. In a recent excursion through storage areas of my home, I found three pairs of pants (one brand new, two still in good shape) that now fit rather nicely. I had guessed on spending around $30, and now I don't have to.

Now, there are also many cases in life when we have to pay for things we didn't expect to, or have to pay more than we accounted for. Perhaps "found money" just balances things out. Perhaps that's how we should treat it, and we should save any "found money."

But...

When you're living a frugal lifestyle, that "found money" can feel a lot like "free money." Based on the examples I provided above, I feel like I should now have about $69 to spend on whatever I want. After all, it's money I either didn't plan on having, or planned on spending, that I now get to keep. I don't need it--it had already been budgeted away. Why shouldn't I now spend that money on something extra? $69 is like 12 or 13 veggie subs at Subway. It's almost a hobby box of Topps 2008 football cards. Considering I'm plus $69, couldn't I eat guilt-free at Subway for 12 meals? Couldn't I buy myself that box of football cards without any remorse?

Am I making excuses to spend money I don't need to spend, or am I finding a way to live life both frugally and enjoyably?

Drizzle and Hail: Byerly's, Prepping for Vacation, and Mostly a Bunch of Narcissistic Reflection

2008-06-22T14:31:00.003-05:00

I have a question for people who do their regular grocery shopping at Byerly's: what is wrong with you?
For a little variety, Cruelty-Free Mommy and I stopped by Byerly's to look for some food. As it turned out, we got free smoothies from the Caribou in there, so I can't complain too much. However, looking at the prices of the food, I can't believe that people would do regular grocery shopping there.

The very same items (and I mean literally, the very same items) are available at places like Cub, Rainbow, Super Target, etc., for much, much less money. So why are people going to Byerly's to pay that much more money? To have somebody put your groceries in a bag for you? Is that worth it? To shop on carpet? Is that really worth the pleasure? For the free samples? With the money you'd save at a cheaper grocery store, you could go back and buy all the products which were being sampled.

I don't get it. It seems like an excessively stupid way to spend extra money. Why not go buy the cheaper groceries (again, often it is the very same item much cheaper), and then use that money for something else you want? Or donate the money to a charity you support? Anything! Why spend more money for the same items at Byerly's?

I don't get you people.

The Great Romaine Lettuce Contest
Cruelty-Free Mommy and I are taking the little Viking on a short vacation to Boston (thank you, government stimulus money), and we're leaving Thursday. Saturday afternoon, we bought two pounds of Romaine lettuce. Can we use it all?

I think we can. We can have big salads as meals in themselves, and we can have small salads with any other meals. And then we can have meals that could include lettuce. If we don't use it all and it goes bad, I'll just put it in the back yard for animals, but I hope we can make it.

I'm a bit of a phony
I write on this blog about being frugal, but there are two situations in which I just give money away without feeling bad about it. I think tipping is wildly out of control in our society, but when I do things that require a tip, I actually tip well. And when I have cash, I always try to give some to homeless people who ask for it. Even when living a frugal life, it is possible to be a good tipper and give money to beggars. When I buy pretty much anything, I have a slight bit of buyer's remorse. But I never regret giving money away in these situations.

I just though it worth noting that being proudly cheap does not entail being proudly cold: one can still attempt to be a kind, giving member of society and still live cheaply.

Vacation
My brother reminded me that leaving for vacation in four days, I ought to have some idea of what I'm packing. I hadn't even started. Apparently the idea is to know what you want to wear, and then spend the days prior to departure wearing a bunch of crappy clothes (or something like that).

Storing clothes
I really almost never spend money on clothes. I realize not everybody can do this: I'm lucky in that I get clothing passed down to me (still!), and can put together a wardrobe out of gifts.

But I also tend not to get rid of clothes myself, so I just store them away in bags for a long time. Eventually I would think I would give these things away. But as it happens now, I'm glad I've saved them. I've lost some weight recently, and I thought I'd have to go to a store and buy new pants. But no! I just went through the storage bags, and found three pairs of pants that fit just wonderfully. It's like getting new clothes for nothing.

So thank you, storage space. I estimate that on three new pairs of pants, I would have spent about $30. Now I have that $30 to do whatever I want with.

I'm still angry at Subway
OK, I'm mostly vegan, and Subway is still the best option for me to pick up a quick, filling, good meal. But I'm still furious that Subway has increased the price of the Veggie Delite sub during the same promotion in which it has decreased the price of many meat subs. There seems no reasonable justification for that. Subway has not responded to my emails with any explanation.

The Purpose of Summer

2008-06-19T19:32:00.003-05:00

Summer is for watching all the TV shows you're too busy to watch the rest of the year. For example, How I Met Your Mother is hilarious. Somehow I knew this, but I rarely watch it until summer comes.

For Cruelty-Free Mommy, summer is for watching reality TV shows like Big Brother. Personally, I die a little inside just knowing the show is on a television somewhere, and I run to get out of the room if it is on. That's just me. For me, summer is for those sitcoms I missed the rest of the year.

I'm a phony.

2008-06-13T00:00:00.001-05:00

I went back to Subway. I could hardly help it. What's a mostly vegan vegetarian cheapskate to do?

This tipping situation has gotten out of control

2008-06-01T14:21:00.003-05:00

I just learned yesterday that one is supposed to tip the person that cuts one's hair (this affects me little, since I haven't been in to get a haircut for something like five years--I save money by trimming it myself. Yep, that's right).

Sometimes in life we pay a person for a service. We have an agreed upon price for this service ahead of time. Once the service is performed, payment is made. And in 21st century America, it is usually the provider of the service that sets the price. Rarely does one go to, say, a barber, and negotiate the price of a haircut: the price is set ahead of time, and the customer is expected to pay the set price. The price that is set by the provider of the service.

Why on earth are we supposed to give additional money, more money for the service than was agreed upon?

This is getting a little out of control. I tip waiters because that is what is done. I tip bartenders because that is what was done. If I get a pizza delivered, I tip the person that brings the pizza to me. Honestly, I rarely eat or drink out because it is so much more expensive than eating or drinking in, and the tipping just adds to that.

All this tipping is just getting a bit much for me.

Yahoo's Relationship Tips are Worthless

2008-05-27T22:32:00.002-05:00

Sometimes when I'm logging out of my email or my fantasy baseball page, I end up on Yahoo!'s homepage and see their articles. Tonight I see an article promising "15 Ways to Keep Your Partner Happy." I see this and say, "Hmm, if my marriage needed saving, this is just the sort of thing that could save my marriage. I should read this."

The article is written to a general reader whose partner is a "she," so the readers are presumably heterosexual men and homosexual women. In general, there is not a single tip here that I haven't seen elsewhere. Hell, there's not a single tip here that's not a stereotype of the things to do: this is like a list that should be given to a sitcom husband. Let's look at some of the particularly worthless tips.

"2. Make her dinner one night. Don't ask her if she wants you to make dinner. Make her dinner before she gets home."

Because it is traditionally the woman who makes dinner, so if the man makes dinner, that makes it something special! Men, make dinner, and you've gone above and beyond! That's one of the little things that can satisfy your partner. Of course, if you are in a relationship in which you each, you know, cook meals, and you don't just assume that, you know, everything in the kitchen is the woman's realm, this tip means little. But if the woman in a relationship makes dinner every other night of the week, the man in the relationship deserves major kudos for making dinner one night of the week. Good job.

"4. Send her a text in the middle of the day telling her'I miss your smile from this morning' or 'Last night was amazing!' or 'The conversation we had last night was great.'"

That's an idea: interrupt your partner with a completely effortless, meaningless, emotionless form of communication, the text message.

" 5. Send an eCard in the middle of the day... something cute to remind her how much you really care about her."

Tell me how #5 is fundamentally different than #4. Is #6 "send an email"? Is #7 "call and leave a message"? Are there any other forms of technological communication we're leaving out? Was it that hard to get to 15?

"6. If she's going on a business trip, offer to drive her to the airport or pick her up to make her life that much easier."

Well this is pretty specific. It's also a tip predicated on the possibility that your partner goes on business trips.

"7. Let her have control of the remote control. Don't monopolize it for a change. Just give it to her and let her actually sit there and enjoying watching one of her shows. Then you can share one of her interests by watching it with her."

Is this a standup comedy bit? Are we really relying on such stereotypes here? As Jerry Seinfeld says of the remote control, men hunt and women nest. Therefore, let your partner have the remote. Also, put the toilet seat down. Oh, and if my partner chooses to watch something like "Friends," then unfortunately there is no way I can enjoy watching one of her shows. Maybe on an ironic level, but then I'll start making fun of it while watching, and she'll get annoyed. I'm already trying hard to pretend I'm not bored during "Wheel of Fortune."

"8. Offer to iron one of her shirts or take her clothes to the dry cleaner."

Let me tell you what we've never done in my household: iron a shirt. Let me tell you where neither of us have ever been: the dry cleaner. I've only seen dry cleaners on sitcoms.

"11. Take a shower together, then wash her hair, scrub her back, and give her a spa treatment. Do this and enjoy it!"

I'm going to leave this without comment. I could comment on the "advice" that men should enjoy a shower with a naked woman. I could comment that there may be a lot of men who wish their partners wanted them in the shower with them. But I won't make those comments. I won't.

"14. Decide on and set aside one night a week as date night. Have a date like when you first started dating."

Hmm. Never heard that one before. Are they just coming up with this stuff?

"15. Call her in the middle of the day and just say hello. Don't wait for her to call you."

Oh, we got there! Of the 15 relationship tips, three involved using technology to communicate with your partner during the day. Let's also point out that #1 (give a footrub without asking if she'd like a footrub) and #14 (reciprocate messages without being asked [and we'll further add, "What if there's no massage to reciprocate?"]) are also pretty much the same thing. And #9 involved cleaning the bathroom without being asked (basically, to keep your partner satisfied, do things without asking if you should. And evidently, that includes just going ahead and climbing in the shower with your partner).

Thanks for the non-help, David Wygant. I'll admit, I don't ever really expect Yahoo! to help me with much of anything--I only come across these brilliant bits of advice by accident, as I said, when I log out of better things. Sometimes Yahoo!'s stuff is interesting: today I also accidentally learned about superfoods. I mean, I guess I already knew about this too, and I'm already eating most of those things all the time (I'm mostly vegan). But usually it is stupid advice or celebrity gossip (I think the only time I learn about celebrity gossip is when I log out of things and Yahoo! provides me with stories. Really. Just recently a couple of people told me that Tony Romo had broken up with Jessica Simpson and it was big news. I never heard it at all. The only reason I knew about Romo and Simpson at all was because I happen to watch a lot of football. But really I both purposely and inadvertently avoid all celebrity gossip. Man, my use of parentheses is just totally out of control. I'm really rambling here. Basically, this advice sucked).

Everbody looks familiar!

2008-05-25T23:53:00.002-05:00

I think as you get older, and you've seen more and more people in your life, you have more and more instances when it seems you've seen someone somewhere else. If I flip the channels on TV, every actor seems familiar. When I walk around a mall, I keep thinking I'm recognizing people. I suspect as I get older and I've seen even more people it will continue to seem that I've seen everybody somewhere else.

Subway: DTM?

2008-05-18T21:19:00.004-05:00

You've probably seen the well-publicized change at Subway: several footlong subs are now dropped to $5.00. Did you know, however, that several Subway restaurants are increasing the price of the Veggie Delite footlong sub to $5.00? I've now seen and heard about this increase in price of veggie subs at a few different Subways, but as of this week I know it hasn't spread to every Subway.

So while Subway is decreasing the price of many subs, they are increasing the price of the veggie subs. This also means that they expect vegetarians to pay the same amount for their meatless subs as several meat eaters pay for their meat subs (in other words, vegetarians have to pay the same amount for less food).

It never bothered me terribly that veggie subs cost the same amount as the meatball subs. Whatever. But if Subway is now increasing the price of the Veggie Delite subs so that they cost the same amount as seven different meat subs, then I will no longer eat at Subway. Ever. As long as the Veggie Delite footlong sub costs as much as seven different meat subs, I will never eat there again.

I'm still debating whether I should still occasionally get subs at those restaurants that keep the price of the Veggie Delite under $5.00. But I'm very close to giving Subway the DTM stamp of removal. As Subway basically says "f--- y--, vegetarians, you can pay the same price as meat eaters for less food," I'm nearly ready to make the statement:

Subway: dead to me.

I dream about new battery technology

2008-05-15T22:12:00.003-05:00

You know that commercial for batteries that starts something like "So you think there's nothing new in battery technology..."? You probably don't, because it's boring. It's also sort of weird, isn't it? If I thought there was nothing new in battery technology, eh? Do people think this? Are people under the mistaken impression that technology surrounding the battery has reached its peak and cannot possibly go further? George Costanza said toilet paper couldn't improve anymore; does everybody else think that you can't improve the battery? Probably not. Furthermore, who is spending any time thinking about battery technology? I've never thought about battery technology outside of school. It's never crossed my mind that it can't improve, but it's also never crossed my mind how it might improve. I don't really think about it. I don't think about it at all. But that battery company is selling batteries to people who used to think there was no new battery technology, but are now made aware that some sort of new battery technology has made a particular brand's batteries super awesome.

My favorite fictional weatherman

2008-05-13T20:41:00.002-05:00

Dave Spritz, from The Weather Man. Just read some of his quotes. You should see this movie.

Cheapness Quandary

2008-05-13T10:23:00.004-05:00

Two years ago I was placed in a shared office space. In this office space was a coat rack, and on it was a decent suit coat. As far as I could tell, however, I only shared the office with women, and nobody ever moved the suit coat. At the end of that semester, my office got moved, and somebody moved whatever stuff was remaining in it. Included in the move was the coat rack with the suit coat. I've now been in the same office for a year and a half, and the coat rack and suit coat have been here the entire time. Based on the job, the shared office, the position, there is a lot of turnover: I'm guessing the original owner of the coat is gone and will never bee back to claim the coat.

Now I have to clean out my entire office. I'll be coming back to it in the fall, but there's some sort of building improvement that is requiring us to clean out the office. I'm removing all my stuff, but I was going to leave the suit coat with a note that it was never mine.

But...for laughs, I tried the coat on. I can't remember why, but I always thought it was too small for me. Well, I have lost a lot of weight, and as it happens, the coat fits.

Now, I really love suit coats. I buy really cheap suit coats at Kohl's whenever they go on clearance. I really sort of like this coat, and while I wouldn't wear it back to work (the very building at which I found the coat!), I could still wear it. If I don't take it, I don't know where it will end up. It might go into some terminal lost and found bin. It might be thrown away. Somebody else could claim it.

So, should I wear another man's coat? What would you do? Would you take the jacket? Though frugality dictates that I ought not let something go to waste, it would feel a bit like stealing. Actually, I could take the coat and give it to Good Will or some charity that collects clothes: that way I don't benefit from taking another person's coat, but the coat doesn't go to waste either. Actually, I sort of like that last option.

I'll need an answer by Friday. Please, share any thoughts you have.

UPDATE--The resolution: I was told by somebody in the office that if I didn't take the jacket, they were going to throw it away.

Sometimes, I'm not cheap.

2008-05-12T21:57:00.002-05:00

Look, Good Earth has a vegan friendly oatmeal date bar. It costs $2.95. That's a bit steep for a bar. But man, oh man. Man, oh man. I mean, man, oh man. If you're living a mostly vegan lifestyle, and you munch into that oatmeal date bar, man, oh man.

They've taken the fun out of my snark

2008-05-05T14:22:00.003-05:00

It's fun to make fun of commercials. It's fun to make fun of movies. And it's really fun to make fun of movie commercials. It's always fun to see a movie that looks a lot like another movie and say something like "I liked that better the first time when it was X" and then look around to your friends expecting them to smirk approvingly.

But when one movie is just so obviously like another movie, you don't even get that fun. You can't even fancy yourself witty or clever for pointing it out. It's just too obvious, and you feel stupid for even saying so. And you start to wonder, "If I make this joke, am I just going to find out it's an intentional remake and everybody will think I'm stupid?" So you sit there, not saying anything until you finally decide to blog about it.

Groceries Groceries Groceries

2008-05-03T17:23:00.000-05:00

In trying to live both frugally and healthily, my entire being feels consumed by groceries. If you eat a lot of produce, it means going to get groceries a few times a week. No matter what you do, you will be uttering phrases like "We're out of lettuce again" and "Didn't I just buy strawberries?" and "I thought there were pears in here" and "I just finished off the broccoli." You can't just plan ahead and buy in bulk--produce only lasts so long (I'm pushing it with a two pound bag of romaine lettuce right now).

But running out of produce is one half of a duel problem. The other issue is the constant battle to beat the due dates; as a frugal person, it pains me to throw out food just because it went bad before I ate it (sure, I feed it to squirrels in the back yard, so it's not wasted, exactly). So you're always monitoring the food to make sure it's not going to be overdue soon.

Eating produce makes one constantly aware of groceries. Groceries. Nothing but groceries. I'm not sure an hour goes by when I'm not conscious of groceries.

Frazier is the Uber-Sitcom

2008-04-28T23:46:00.002-05:00

What a show! Every possible sitcom convention is used--and perfected. There's no reason to do a conventional sitcom after Frazier. After this, shows had to start going in new directions--using narrators, abandoning the laugh track, etc. Frazier was simply the culmination of a great sitcom tradition of zany capers, overheard (and misunderstood) conversations, two characters thinking they're talking about the same thing when they're actually talking about something different, secrets and deceptions, characters named but never seen, characters trying to extricate themselves from embarrassing situations (and usually failing), and romantic relationships gone awry. The big distinction is that the two characters are pretentious fellows that are difficult to like.

Cheapy gets an iPod (free, of course)

2008-04-21T09:48:00.002-05:00

The frugal approach to credit cards is pretty obvious: only use it for things you were going to buy anyway, and always pay off the balance monthly to avoid giving away money for nothing in interest.

But credit cards also come with some perks. I'm about to get a free iPod because of the points added up by the use of my credit card for things I would have purchased with or without the card. I'm also getting a free Minnesota Vikings flag on a pole, but it's the iPod I'm really excited about.

I have no idea how it works. I'm going to have somebody help me to load showtunes onto it so that when I go for long walks in the summer, I can listen to Wicked and Les Miserables and Jesus Christ Superstar. That's actually the only reason I even wanted the iPod.

Canned Green Beans

2008-04-14T11:23:00.002-05:00

To live a life both frugal and healthy, canned green beans are pretty prevalent in my life. I'll never buy a can of green beans for more than 50 cents, and then there's a low calorie, nutritious meal for quarters.

Long live canned green beans!

Super Fruit and Veggie Lockdown

2008-04-09T22:30:00.003-05:00

There's Lockdown--that's easy. There's eating mostly fruits and vegetables--that's OK. There's Super Lockdown--that's a bit of a challenge.

And then there's Super Fruit and Veggie Lockdown. Coming in Summer 2008: stay tuned.

More pretty thoughts

2008-04-05T20:43:00.011-05:00

When it comes to matters of war and peace, The Star Tribune's Katherine Kersten insists that pretty thoughts don't work.

When it comes to matters of sex and policy, though, Kersten certainly likes pretty thoughts.

She likes to believe that you can convince large groups of people, including horny adolescents, not to have sex simply by telling them why they ought not to. Forget teaching teenagers about how to have safe sex if they choose to have it: according to Kersten, "young people"

"need to hear from us -- their parents, teachers and medical caregivers -- that self-restraint is not only possible, but desirable, and that real happiness comes from respecting your own dignity and that of others."

You know what? I agree. Self-restraint is possible and in many cases desirable. Respecting one's own dignity and the dignity of others should be a lesson we pass on to all young people. On this I agree with Kersten.

But I thought "pretty thoughts didn't work." According to Kersten, when it comes to peace and violence, "pretty thoughts" are ineffective and we have to be more realistic. When it comes to teens and sex, though, Kersten is quite the idealist. She wants to believe that we can address the problems of teen sex (such as STDs) by simply teaching teens not to have sex. In this case, perhaps a more realistic approach would be more helpful. Many human beings are going to have sex with each other no matter what you teach them. Perhaps, while teaching values such as self-restraint and self-dignity, we could also teach safe sex methods. Perhaps, as we inform teenagers of the pitfalls of unrestrained sex, we could teach them how not to get a venereal disease should they choose to have sex. Of course, in this column Kersten (the supposed* realist on matters of war) mocks those attempting to take a realistic attitude toward sex and teenagers.

But perhaps Kersten could extend her ethic of respecting the dignity of others. Kersten has defended torture (with some "ends justify the means" logic). Does the torturer respect the dignity of the person being tortured? I find that difficult to believe.

(*I say "supposed" because I don't believe advocating war to solve serious problems is a realistic approach. As John Howard Yoder says, "There is no more utopian institution than an idealistic war." But further explorations of the meaning of pacifism and the ineffectiveness of violence is a discussion for another blog).

(For a more amusing take on the issue, see Rich Goldsmith's piece in The Rake. I don't mean to discuss serious things at this blog--really. But I write about Minnesota media here, so sometimes I'll write serious things).

For those still taking TV news seriously

2008-04-02T19:00:00.007-05:00

How does Kare 11 help you to understand Minnesota's bonding bill? Go to their website and watch the video to find out. From John Croman:

"It would be a lot easier to explain it if only they were talking about a different kind of 'bonds.' Say Barry Bonds, or James Bond, Gold Bond Powder, or denture bonds, even U.S. Savings Bonds or classic rocker Gary 'U.S.' Bonds."

This list of punny uses of "bonds" certainly helped me understand the issue more clearly. Actually, I'd like to be one of the staff writers that came up with a list of alternate meanings of "bond." And was it too much trouble getting the stock photos for those different "bonds"? That's fine, that's fine: that's just what you should be using your news budget for.

The segment ends with mention of a possible governor's veto:

"You might say the governor hasn't 'bonded' with this bill."

Puns are awesome.

This segment also features Croman holding up pieces of paper with words on them (because we wouldn't know what he's talking about if he just said them), and footage of a polar bear swimming around.

This isn't a Sesame Street bit. It's not even for a middle school Civics class. It's real news, targeted to real adults.

Syndication makes things better

2008-03-26T10:10:00.003-05:00

I laugh at The New Adventures of Old Christine. It's a funny show. But sometimes I think I shouldn't watch new episodes on CBS. Someday, this show is probably going to be in early afternoon syndication. Such a timeslot lowers my expectations (hence my moderate enjoyment of Still Standing), making me enjoy the show even more. As it happens, late afternoon is a time I really need something entertaining on television, so I think I should avoid watching the show now so that it is new and fresh to me a few years from now in syndication.

F--- You, Subway

2008-03-24T22:03:00.000-05:00

So, Subway, you want to make a deal where all footlong subs are $5 or less? What does that do for vegetarians? It doesn't lower the price of subs for us at all. All this means is that meat eaters are only paying 21 cents more than I am for their meat subs. I'd rather pay the extra 21 cents and get the meat packed for my cat.

F--- you, Subway. If you're going to make a great special deal with a pretty good deal on subs, at least lower the footlongs on veggie subs to $4.

Movie Commercial Rule

2008-03-24T22:01:00.000-05:00

If at any point during a commercial for a movie, the narrator says "But when...," it's not a movie you want to see.