Paradox? We don't need no stinking paradox!

In a new local political ad, former governor Jesse Ventura criticizes politicians for name calling. He calls them "name callers."

Twin Cities TV, Twin Cities Cheapness

--Two lines I loved on "The Simpsons" syndicated episodes yesterday. The episode when Homer becomes a food critic is especially funny.

"We have to stop Homer Simpson. He gave my restaurant a bad review. I had a friend put a horse head in his bed. He ate it, and gave it a bad review. True story."

"I have a saying: 'You can't teach a manitee any tricks.'"

--For some reason, those incessant ads for "Desire" and "Fashion House" are starting to intrigue me. I'm afraid someday I'll accidentally watch an episode and be hooked. I must prevent this from happening at all costs.

--For cheap good food, you can't beat the 99 cents sale for the KFC Buffalo Snacker. Even the regular $1.19 price is pretty good. It's the best idea since General Tso first whipped up his special chicken. My vegetarian wife doesn't appreciate me eating at KFC (she doesn't criticize me eating meat, but her PETA readings give her a particular distaste for KFC). I eat there anyway. I don't respect non-mammals; I feel bad about eating mammals, but figure we've beaten the non-mammals and get to eat them. Then again, we also have opposable thumbs, so maybe we should just not eat the animals with opposable thumbs. Sometimes I taunt my cat with my thumb. I make fun of her because my relatives are monkeys and her relatives are tigers. So don't eat any apes or monkeys. And if I'm not eating mammals or fish, can I call myself a vegetarian? Some vegetarians eat fish, after all. I'm not eating the fish because of the mercury. Frankly, since we've made it out of the sea and evolved lungs, I think we can eat them too. We've beaten them, too. Viva Evolution!

For your amusement

So a team that has already clinched a playoff birth spends a Sunday afternoon/evening partying and drinking like it just won the World Series, and less than 48 hours later it loses a playoff game. Coincidence?

Sven has blogged about his marathon experience. Be sure to check it out.

If you haven't had a laugh yet today, check out Marmaduke Explained.

If you don't like me (and frankly, I don't blame you) and would like to see me insulted, scroll through the comment section here. I get called a "Child," a "Dick," and worse, a "Republican." I am accused of "ignorance" and "self-insulation." So far, this has been the highlight of my day.

cheap and proud (and let me drink cheap)

When people call me "frugal," I assume they don't understand me. When people try to compare ways they save money with ways I save money, I assume they don't understand me. When people talk about living cheaply, and then I hear them say the things they are actually doing, I assume they don't understand me.

You see, I'm cheap. I'm capable of operating at levels of cheapness most of you can only imagine (it's called grad school, bucko). I can live off the cheapest food and stay fat. I can sacrifice almost all pleasures and entertainments that cost a dime (I've been to a movie theater three times in calendar year 2006). I'm willing to be cold, be dirty, be poorly dressed, even be hungry (yet I'm still fat). Most of the little things that other people end up pissing money away on, I'm able to avoid (and when I do make decision to spend the money, I'm willfully aware of the decision).

I brag in order to introduce a complaint, and to let you know that frequent such complaints will be coming, and why.

I heard a stupid suggestion on the radio. It was suggested that to curb binge drinking among minors, the price of alcohol should be raised. Let me hide all the swear words I would like to throw at anybody who subscribes to this idea behind %!@# &*&% $#@!!@! &*$. So to prevent minors from doing something that is legal for adults, we should raise the prices to punish the adults. Enforcing the laws that do exist isn't enough, apparently (there are stiff fines for minors who drink and for adults who buy booze for minors). We need to raise prices. The %$!@ with you and you're stupid %&#@#&#!@#ing idea.

Athletics are Fun (or, "I choose not to run")

According to the Twin Cities Marathon's official website, Sven Sundgaard finished the race in 4:08:18. Good work, Sven.

Our official favorite football player Bart Scott had a big game in the Ravens' 16-13 victory over the Chargers. Bart led his team with 11 tackles and also had an interception, which he returned 24 yards to the SD 22, setting up the Ravens' first touchdown. Good work, Bart.

If you watch local TV, you got to see the Twins getting drunk, grab-assing, and pouring booze all over each other. For some reason these festivities were deemed worthy of wall-to-wall coverage. Good work, Twins and local TV networks.

Cheapness Report

Our new favorite football player
When Sports Illustrated asked Ravens Linebacker Bart Scott about his cellphone ring tone, Scott responded, "Basic. I'm not giving a dollar to nobody."

And with that, Bart Scott becomes the official favorite football player of We Have Mixed Feelings About Sven Sundgaard. That's just the right way to respond.

Cheap Pop in the Twin Cities
As first sighted by A Bit More Humid, Target is currently selling four 12-packs of pop for 9$, then giving you a 5$ gift card for your troubles. I've already been there once; I will be there again. To me, there are three ways to approach this deal.
1. You are paying 9$ for four 12-packs and get 5$ for whatever you want.
2. You are paying 1$ for each 12-pack of pop.
3. The second time you do this deal, you are getting the four 12-packs for free.

Well its official, Minneapolis/St. Paul is going to host the 2008 Republican National Convention, the same weekend as the State Fair. How wonderful!!! That wont be a total disaster.

Alone in my office laughing until it hurts

Via Moncrief Speaks, I've been able to laugh my face off at Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke.

Marathons and Money

This weekend, October 1, 2006, is the Twin Cities Marathon. I am sure many of you have no interest in running or watching running, but you should be aware that Sven will be there. He is an avid runner according to his Kare 11 blog and is getting ready for the weekend. He is even getting his calf massaged tonight. Sven is also predicting good weather. So the question is considering our abnormal interest in Sven should we be attending his local events? We already try to watch his weather coverage and keep up on his blog, but is that enough? He is often involved in community activities as a host or MC. Maybe seeing him live will help us sort out our mixed feelings?

I am looking to attend a play or musical, but of course and continually trying to live cheaply. I am not sure if it will be possible to get off to cheap in this area. The Chanhassen Dinner Theatre is showing Grease and ticket are about $50-70 including a meal. Tickets at the Gutherie are also around $50, but nothing there I am too excited to see right now. Ordway is showing Chicago in January but tickets are also around $50 a piece or more. Anyone have any ideas for a good show at a smaller price?

My Drug of Choice

No, it's not meth. Meth is gross, people. I am talking about American Idol. I am having a personal struggle, as I often do in the weeks preceding a new season of Americal Idol: do I get involved?

During season 1, we had a big group that got together every week to enjoy the novelty of American Idol (along with booze and fine company). It was awesome. I always remember that as I try to decide my fate for each new season. But here is the thing: that group aspect is gone. And the novelty long ago wore away. How many times can Simon Cowell creatively tell someone they suck and still be funny?

And yet, I still want to watch. I do this every season, and every season, I waste my life away, watching multiple episodes per week of a show it is predictable and somewhat boring, after the crappy people get weeded out. I haven't cared about who won in years, and I never have and probably never will buy a CD of anyone who has ever been a contestant on the show (I know what you may be thinking--"didn't you vote for Kelly Clarkson?" Yes, I did. But it was more anti-Guarini than pro-Clarkson).

I have come to this conclusion: either I am being brainwashed, or American Idol is like a drug (metaphorical or otherwise). I am helpless against it's powers. So, I have decided, after much deliberation, to commit myself to yet another disappointing season. Here were the deciding factors:

1. They held auditions in Minneapolis. I may very well see people I went to high school with or other people I know. That will make at least one episode worthwhile.

2. Although I always stress about keeping my evenings free certain nights of the week for shows that are on more than one night (btw, thanks for ruining my summer, Big Brother All Stars), with American Idol, it is never a problem. If you miss an episode, they will cover the results and highlights on Fox 9 Morning 'News' as if it were actual current events rather than a shameless promotion of another network show. Bastards! Sven would never do that.


For all these reasons and more, you know what I will be doing with my spare time this fall. It's a nasty habit, but I'm not ready to quit.