LIVE BLOG: Channel 11

10:31: Well that was fun. Thanks for coming everybody. And if you're reading this later, start at the bottom and work your way to the top. Thus ends the first WHMFASS liveblog.

10:30: So there we are: our first live blog. Nothing great in the news broadcast. We learned in a commercial that coal is wonderful (the woman was even walking around in a green pleasant landscape!), pitbulls can be dressed in costumes and if they are dressed up in costumes the local news will show us footage, and...well, that' what we learned.

10:30: You know in "Anchorman" when they show the squirrel water-skiing, and we're supposed to recognize how inane local TV news is? Well, we just saw pitbulls dressed up in costumes.

10:29: Lottery numbers: that's news.

10:28: Seriously, that cartoon woman was hugging a glowing pleasant piece of coal.

10:26: Oh, coal is GREAT and doesn't do ANY damage to the environment. Let's strip mine America to get all the coal, and then burn it to power everything we use. There couldn't POSSIBLY be any negative repercussions from using lots and lots of coal!

10:23: The Pro Bowl is the most anti-climactic sporting event? I thought it was the Stanley Cup Finals. OK, I'll back off hockey. I'm going to go cry knowing I'm not seeing any new football for months. And now Perk explains NASCAR to Amy Hockert, who couldn't possibly care.

10:22: Hockey goals are like snowflakes: even though they're each unique, they look the same and are boring.

10:21: Some nights Eric Perkins looks like he's at the end of a 72-consecutive-hour bender. He looks decent tonight.

10:20: Partly Cloudy and Pleasant wonders why the reporter is asking people on the street. That's a good question. Why ask rubes on the street? Have these folks heard of "google"?

10:19: I admit it: Sven is getting more and more comfortable in front of the camera. He's come a long way from the kid that said, "I don't know what to do right now" and got bailed out by Pomeranz.

10:16: Weather for about four minutes. Not bad, I guess. This "I've been wondering" bit seems like a direct ripoff of WCCO's "good question" bit.

10:15: "Shwrs." When did licence plate spelling become standardized?

10:14: Purple tie for Sven. Viking fan or Prince fan? I'll let you guess.

10:13: Rick sunbathing. Fun times. Sven has fancy gloves and a scarf tucked uselessly into his coat. Why do I feel like a high schooler is explaining the weather to me?

10:12 Sven starts talking. We'll see how long the weather takes. One of our pet topics is how unnecessarilly long the weather is on the news.

10:11: Horror movie music! Man, that guy is funny. "*beep* you!" "Are you going to hit me!" Chucking snowballs (though I'd have loved to see him chucking snowmobiles). Now THAT is why TV news is necessary.

10:10: Erica says something in the comments funnier than anything I've written yet. Love the stock footage used to justify television news.

10:07: There is NOTHING funnier than a "*beep* you!" said in anger on the telly. Nothing. Plus: our first look at Sven! Is something up with his hair? The *beep* is actually funnier than the word itself.

10:06: Dinosaurs! Will anti-evolution activists protest? Should we begin a satirical protest?

10:04: I just don't like you, Rick Kupchella. It's the same irrational annoyance that makes me dislike coconut. There's nothing inherently wrong with coconut, it's just not for me.

10:04: Rick Kupchella comforts us over the chaos around the world. Amy Hockert looks off into space, then turns her lonely eyes on us.

10:02: Trish Volpe. Real or made up? We'll explore later.

10:01: G.O.B. Bluth? "The Final Countdown" leaves me expecting magic.

10:00: Rick Kuptoola will be the serious anchorman. It's anchorman, not anchorlady. Nice music.

9:58: Snowmobiles honoring the dead, violence against reporters: will the divine Amy Hockert have the gravitas necessary to help the state through this nightmare?

9:56: D'Onfrio manipulates the guy by calling to his daughter and grabbing at the gun. I really thought the main character of a show was in for it this time. Instead, the angry guy with the gun shoots himself. And the lady who used to play Hope in "The Young and the Restless" gives us a stirring performance as the dead man's crying wife. Well, I'm excited for the news.

9:53: Vincent D'Onfrio is talking a guy with a gun out of using it. Do you think the main character of a long-running show is doomed? Or will D'Onfrio talk the angry man into giving up the gun? We'll find out momentarily.

9:47: Here we are, ready for the liveblogging experience. Channel 11 is on as we await the news. If you're following us live, just hit refresh every few minutes. I'll update as frequently as possible (at least every commercial, hopefully much more), and all updates will show up in this post. New entries timed and appearing at the top.

This liveblog signals a renewed devotion to making this blog the best it can be. I used to work very hard on Constanza Book Club until it became clear even my friends and family didn't read it (I still try), and I continue to work hard at Pacifist Viking. But we feel we can really take this blog to the next level, so we'll work harder to bring you the business.

That said, after a day of vegetarian chili, grapefruit, hummus, barbecue chips, and homemade salsa, I'm not exactly on my A-game. But Kare 11 is inspirational, and I expect this to be a fun time.