Liveblogging 5:00's "Kare at the Fair"

The live blog is over. If you've coming here after it's finished, you can go to the bottom and work your way up. Hope you have fun.

5:30 It's over. 5 bits of real news. And the news stories, interactions, and entertainment from the fair was itself low quality and boring. These producers have to know something: IF YOU INTERVIEW RANDOM RUBES AT THE FAIR, YOU ARE GOING TO GET INARTICULATE, SHORT, AND BORING RESPONSES.

5:29: Spam food at the fair. Mike and Diane trying to entertain people by talking about spam.

COMMERCIAL: We've had five news bits. If I'm being an English teacher, it should be written as "five." But in blog form, to make things clear, I like to write "5." By the way, some Fed Ex guy just opened our door without knocking and left a package. We've got a child that my wife is often breast feeding. Fed Ex guys: DON'T JUST WALK INTO MY DAMN HOUSE!

5:25 Kids are talking at the camera. They are staring into my soul. Who are these people? Why are we being shown these people recording messages into the screen? What are these people talking about?

5:25 Kare Cam. "Chuck." "No." "Yeah."

5:24 We come back to clapping people, walking people, Mike and Diane talking about i-phones. A kid that can hack into the i-phone. Real news. That's 5.

COMMERCIAL: Mike asked if anybody blogs during the very moment I was live-blogging him, but contrary to my expectations, the universe did not collapse in on itself.

For the record, we've had 4 real news bits during the show so far. A lot of rubes smiling and waving. If you get tired of hearing people at the fair referred to as "rubes," you ought to read another blog.

5:21 MIKE IS IN MY HEAD! "How many of you blog?" he asks. ME! ME! Right now, Mike, I'M BLOGGING YOU!

5:20 Pat insists that people smile and wave. Do you like being told to smile and wave? These rubes do.

5:19 "Partly Cloudy and Pleasant," Pat Evans says you're coming tonight!

Listen to Pat say "Goo Goo Dolls" sneeringly.

5:18 When I hear "Weather on a stick," a little piece of my dies inside.

5:17 Man rube gives one word answer. Woman rube gives what appears to be a one word answer--might have been too.

Woman rube has a few words in her answer. Pat Evens instead of Sven. Now Pat takes the Mike away. Now woman rube is talking way too much. Boy rube tells what he ate. Boring. Pat is sort of charming.

5:16 promo for the Goo Goo Dolls. Apparently Mike used to listen to punk. I can't picture it. And now Mike and Diane are sitting in the crowd. Man, I'd hate to go into broadcasting, then be told I have to sit in the stand at the fair and talk to nobodies.

COMMERCIAL: anti-war, anti-Bush, anti-Bachman. I got nothing.

COMMERCIAL: I mean, if some chuck wants to give a prostate exam, just walks up and says, "Let me check out your prostate," I'm probably saying no. I'll go to the doctor.

5:12 Anybody with an i-phone? Mike is standing up to talk to the rubes. Shots of people standing around.

5:12 Starts like rube interaction ("Who has kids?"), but it's about a car seat recall. Real news.

5:10 Oh, when I get older, I'll start getting my ass tested for prostate cancer, believe me. Forgive the mockery.

But if some stranger at the fair and offers you a free prostate exam...well, look around to make sure you're at the right spot.

5:09 Shots of rubes clapping and waving. If I do this another day, I'll count how many times they say the word "fair." Now they're reporting from the health fair. Really, I've already heard the word fair...WHAT! PROSTATE TESTING!?! PROSTATE TESTING AT THE FAIR!?!

COMMERCIAL: I really don't like that "save the greenbacks" commercial. Whales are endangered due to human destruction of the environment: let's sell cars!

5:07: Attendance of the fair, then shots of the fair as we go to commercial. I've already heard more real news than I expected.

5:05 Producer 1: We want to just ham it up at the fair, but we've got to cover this flooding. What do we do?
Producer 2: I've got it! Let's talk about kids at the fair who are escaping from their flooded homes!

5:05 "A chance for weary spirits to soar." America's greatest poets are writing copy for Kare 11's coverage of the fair.

5:04 I think we're done with real news. Mike is talking about the end of summer and the beginning of school, and leads to a feature from the fair.

5:03 FEMA and flooding: real news.

5:02 A murder verdict: real news.

5:02 I'm guessing every regular reporter that's not covering the fair takes some time off; that's why there's somebody I've never seen reporting from a scene.

5:01 A plane crash: real news.

5:00 Mike says, "Oh, by the way," thanks to the viewers at home for joining us. He was too busy making the rubes cheer to mention us.

4:59 BREAKING NEWS: it's a nice day at the fair.

Mike and Diane ham it up for the rubes.