Syndication makes things better

I laugh at The New Adventures of Old Christine. It's a funny show. But sometimes I think I shouldn't watch new episodes on CBS. Someday, this show is probably going to be in early afternoon syndication. Such a timeslot lowers my expectations (hence my moderate enjoyment of Still Standing), making me enjoy the show even more. As it happens, late afternoon is a time I really need something entertaining on television, so I think I should avoid watching the show now so that it is new and fresh to me a few years from now in syndication.

F--- You, Subway

So, Subway, you want to make a deal where all footlong subs are $5 or less? What does that do for vegetarians? It doesn't lower the price of subs for us at all. All this means is that meat eaters are only paying 21 cents more than I am for their meat subs. I'd rather pay the extra 21 cents and get the meat packed for my cat.

F--- you, Subway. If you're going to make a great special deal with a pretty good deal on subs, at least lower the footlongs on veggie subs to $4.

Movie Commercial Rule

If at any point during a commercial for a movie, the narrator says "But when...," it's not a movie you want to see.

Drizzle and Hail

Frugality means managing inconveniences
To live a frugal life, you have to decide whether avoiding a minor inconvenience is worth a certain amount of money. A frugal person is usually willing to endure a moderate level of inconvenience to avoid spending money.

My car's front passenger door doesn't open from the outside. This is a minor inconvenience and I would rather not pay to have it fixed. This morning, however, the front passenger door didn't open from the front or back. To get in, I had to climb into the back driver side seat, reach up to push open the front passenger side door, then crawl in from there to the front driver side seat.

This would be too great an inconvenience to do every time I drove. Furthermore, the car doors only have keyholes on the front doors; if I accidentally locked the doors, I would then be locked out of the car (with potentially my son locked in). That can't stand.

Luckily, the ice melted as I drove for a while and the front driver's side door opens from inside and outside.

Shopping and Gender
I do a lot of grocery shopping, and I spend a lot of time in produce sections. This weekend, I was in a grocery store in a small town. There was a man selecting tomatoes, and I went next to him to start selecting roma tomatoes. A female employee started saying "Oh, it's good to see men here shopping. You must have been given a 'Honey Do' list. Are you preparing supper tonight? Well, if you need any help, just let me know."

I completely ignored this woman rather than launch into a tirade of "Hey, despite whatever gender stereotypes you have, I buy a whole lot of produce myself. I check the quality of a lot of fruit and vegetables. I know what I'm doing. If you ever go to an auto parts store, do you expect a male employee to say 'Oh, look, a woman buying car parts. Your husband must have sent you up here to get something. Well if you have no idea what you're doing and you need me to help you, just let me know'? No, you'd probably feel demeaned. So don't assume that because I'm some oaf of a fat and hairy man that I can't pick out my own fresh vegetables."

Frugality Tip
Avoid ever buying anything that requires you to tip a person. Usually you can get such items on your own without leaving a tip.

Stupid Commercial
You know that commercial where those people buy movie tickets, and it's 8:59 and they all have to hurry to get in by 9:00? What's the deal with that? If it's like any movie theater I've been too, you've got time. There are some commercials and some previews. You'll be fine people.

Now, even as I say this, I am a desperately punctual person that hates above just about anything else being late. I often get to movie theaters 15 minutes or more early, and I start to feel rushed and panicked if I'm not sitting in my seat with at least 10 minutes before start time, before the previews have started. And I limit my fluid intake and go to the bathroom several times before the movie starts. But I don't go to movies in the theater anymore anyway because I have a one year old--I just wait for Netflix.

Anyway, that last paragraph was all about my own neuroses, but seriously, that commercial is stupid.

Things the media thinks I care about: another state's governor

Here's a quick quiz:

Which of the following is relevant to you:
a) a political scandal for a governor of a state you don't live or work in
b) the shenanigans of Britney Spears
c) The rate at which different shirts deposit lint in your belly button at different rates

The answer is c), and yes I equate a scandal for a governor of a state I don't live or work in with the shenanigans of a Hollywood celebrity that also doesn't matter. It's not that I'm not interested in another state governor's policies; it's just that another state's governor's political scandal just shouldn't matter terribly to people outside of that state. It doesn't matter and it's not that interesting; it's just another story that people talk about on TV, radio, internet, and newspapers.

Of course, the national media thinks I should care about it. Even the local Twin Cities media thinks I should care about it. But I know that it is irrelevant and uninteresting. If our governor is ever involved in political scandal, I'll certainly pay attention, but I won't expect anybody that doesn't live or work in my state to do so.

Ask Gary

You know how some commercials are so interesting, funny, or catchy that they stick with you and make you want to purchase the product or use the services being advertised? Well, I know one commercial that does not fit this description.

I get so annoyed every time I see the commercial for 1-800-ASK-GARY. Ask Gary is a helpline for people who have legal trouble or some such nonsense. For some reason, the tactic used in the commercial is to have common folks give their thoughts on the services provided by this Gary person. One man in particular bugs me. He says this about 1-800-ASK-GARY:

"It's a helpline, that's the way I feel about it."

It IS a helpline--that's not the way anyone feels about it! That's just what IS. I don't say crazy things like, "Cars have wheels. That's the way I feel about it," or "Worms live under the ground, that's the way I feel about it," or "Salt tastes salty. That's the way I feel about it." That would be crazy.

So, if they took the time to interview local rubes for the advertisement, was this the best they got? And why has this half-assed, crappy, lame excuse for a commercial been running for so many months? I am going nuts here.

The Greatest Ensamble Cast in the History of Film

Is The Faculty. I kid you not.

It features Josh Hartnett, Salma Hayek, the life coach from Nip/Tuck, Shooter McGavin, Lilith, Agent Doggett, Usher, Jon Stewart, Frodo, Louis Black, and Kruger of Kruger Industrial Smoothing.

Moving down from the A list, there's also the woman from The Fast and the Furious, the girl who was in on it in Suicide Kings, an FBI agent from Heroes, the guy from Outside Providence, Hyde from That 70s Show, the mayor from Friday Night Lights, and Joane Street from Friday Night Lights.

Every time this movie shows up on TV I somehow get sucked into the screen, though I don't think I even know how it ends.