Lessons and Ramblings

We at the Pacifist Viking household are expecting a little pacifist viking soon. We have names picked out. And here's some advise to people--if an expecting couple tells you the names they've picked out for their future child, don't grimace, make ugly sounds, frown, make fun, or say "Are you serious?" Clearly they've picked the names for good reasons--if you insult their name choices, you can only annoy them or worse. And if you are the one to bother asking about the names, then you have no business making fun. And if you think every kid in America should just be named Mike or Katieor any plain common name, you're a dull boring person and shouldn't bother people with your ideas at all. No offense to anybody named Mike or Katie or anybody who named their kids Mike or Katie.

Don't forget to use the gift cards you got for Christmas. Retail outlets make mucho dinero off of unused gift cards. Don't leave a single penny on them. There's no reason for the bourgeoisie to give free money to the capitalist fatcats. We should at least get cheap and lousy products out of it.

Santa Claus is a capitalist religious figure. The Revolution begins with the people. So the next time you see a mall Santa, beat him with a stick. Joking, joking! I'm a pacifist. This Revolution needs to be peaceful. Just call him a dirty porker. Maybe make a sign that says, "Did Santa die for my sins?" The key during the entire experience is to take yourself way too seriously and have utterly no sense of humor.

In all seriousness, the new arrival at the Pacifist Viking household will be taught about Santa, but will not ever be told that he's real. It will be for play play, not for real real. There's no harm in a fun celebration; I just don't want to teach my kid to believe in something that I know not to be true.

Sven has been on TV a lot lately, and now that Christmas is over, he's mostly just doing what he does mediocrely, which is read the weather, not what he does horribly, which is interact with rubes on camera. Our feelings are still mixed. He has maintained a nice winter tan, after all. I mean, I know that it's unseasonably warm and that it was raining last night when it should have been a wicked snowstorm, but that's just one tan man.

I'm now a vegan. I am a vegan for one reason and one reason alone: to act morally superior to everybody I meet. Just kidding! I'm a vegan for other reasons, and the chance to act morally superior is a pleasant side effect. No, I'm still kidding, I don't act morally superior to people. I was at a soiree last night watching people eat pork and shrimp egg spring rolls, and I kept to myself that pigs are as smart as dogs. I just watched them all eating little Wilburs, silently judging them.

Have a good new year, ladies and gentlemen. I know the first day of the year is usually spent hung over, and I guess that's as it should be. Pleasant parties, everybody.

Immature Highlight of Christmas Eve

Getting my young cousins to run around asking people "Who's Holden McGroin?" and "What's Holden McGroin?"

Coupon Nightmares

I am a sucker for coupons. Lately my coupon experiences have been less than ideal. The stores usually put out coupons to bring in the customers. Sometimes the customer will buy more than they would have without the coupon. I always go to stores when I have a good coupon. I am not talking 10 cents off at the grocery store, but bigger coupons. Last week I had a coupon for The Limited. I rarely shop at this store but made the extra effort due to the coupon. The coupon was for $15 off any purchase over $15. I was excited about this. After I got to the store I realized a few things first of all the clothes were way to expensive (even with $15 off) and almost everything was on sale. The coupon could not be used on sale items. Therefore I searched the store for something to use my precious coupon on. Eventually I found a $30 purse that I settled on. I really didn’t need it, but I would be getting half off and I love purses. I went up to the register only to be told that my coupon doesn’t work on accessories! What… There is nothing I can buy in this store with my coupon. Jewelry, pants, skirts, tops, all on sale. My only option was dresses a few hundred dollars over my price range. I then left the purse at the register and walked out. The Limited might have gotten me in their store with their coupon, but I won this time!! I spent nothing….well I would have liked the purse but really this coupon was worthless in the end.
Another coupon incident I had occurred a few weeks ago on my day after Thanksgiving shopping trip. Herbergers can out with a coupon for $10 off a $10 purchase. Of course there were exclusions on the early bird sales and a few other things, but sale items were ok. It took awhile but I found a nice gizmo for backrubs that would have been a great gift for A Bit More Humid. Of course it wasn’t that easy. My item was $9.99 and with tax $10.37. But the coupon was no good unless the item was $10 before tax!! So I had to search out the store for another item that wasn’t that great, but I settled. This time I felt the store had beaten me down; fortunately I did go home with an item with my coupon and did not have to spend anything extra!

Sven Faux Pas?

There's one reason in particular this site isn't called "We Like Sven Sundgaard": we firmly believe that Sven should never be given a mike, with an audience or interviewee, and be left to ad lib as he sees fit. He is TERRIBLE at this. The state fair interviews were an exercise in inanity. He's just not good at it. Read the planned out weather report? He can handle it. Speaking extemporaneously? Not a high point.

Sven hit his nadir on Friday evening, when he was interviewing a black marine talking about Toys for Tots (the color will come up in a moment).

The marine talked a bit, then said, "We really need toys right now for 10 year olds, boys and girls." Sven's response: "Excellent!"

Now, why it is excellent that more toys are needed for 10 year old boys and girls is beyond me. But that was not the faux pas.

After the marine was done talking, Sven said, "I think you're one of the better spoken ones we've had on here."

I shuddered and stared in awe.

I don't think Sven knows that there's in implicit insult in telling a black person, "You're so well-spoken," with its implicit tone of suprise ("You're so much better spoken than the rest of them"). To explicitly note that a black man is "well-spoken" can be indicative of surprise, as if one expects the black man not to be well-spoken.

Well, let's give Sven the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know that, didn't intend that, and would have said the same thing if the marine were white. After all, TV personalities do encounter a lot of shy rubes that don't really know how to talk coherently on camera. Let's assume that when he says this person is more well-spoken than most of the others, he's not referring to a black man, and not referring to a marine, but more generally to any of average rubes that Kare 11 personalities have been forced to talk to on camera.

Why I dislike Texas (1)

Here at "We Have Mixed Feelings About Sven Sundgaard," there are only three acceptable stances about anything: you can like it, you can dislike it, or you can have mixed feelings about it. We like Minnesota. So we begin a new feature to this blog: why we dislike other states. We begin, naturally, with Texas.

A Texas lawmaker is bringing forth legislation to allow blind people to hunt. You can read about this here, here, and here.

So that's reason number one I dislike Texas: some Texans want to make it legal for blind people to shoot guns at animals.

Pop

This week we purchased 16 12-packs of pop at Target. This cost $44. Also with this $44, we got $20 worth of Target gift cards.

172 cans of pop and $20 to spend at Target for $44. Normally I find every penny I spend a little bit painful, but this seems entirely worthwhile.

Cheap Pop in the Cities

If this blog existed for nothing else but to inform you of cheap pop, it would be worth it.

Pepsi products at the target on White Bear Ave: four 12 packs for $11 and you get a 5$ gift card. These are the times that Target can expect to see me daily. I assume the deal is not exclusive to the one Target.

But the Consumerist tells us a reason to be concerned about gift cards.

So, inveterate caffeine addicts, ejoy the cold beverages.

Cold? This isn't cold.

According to the Tax Foundation, Minnesota gets 69 cents in "Federal Spending Received Per Dollar of Taxes Paid by State." Well, that sucks. Actually, it ranks us 47th in the nation. So everybody in the rest of the country, just know that we are helping to pay for your roads and schools. You can address thank you letters to "Minnesota" and just see where they get sent.

The new Lavender is out and oh yeah, there's a crossword puzzle. This weekend will be fun. In addition to wine, gin, parting, and Sven standing outside all rosy-cheeked telling us it's cold, there's a Lavender crossword puzzle.