cheap and proud (and let me drink cheap)

When people call me "frugal," I assume they don't understand me. When people try to compare ways they save money with ways I save money, I assume they don't understand me. When people talk about living cheaply, and then I hear them say the things they are actually doing, I assume they don't understand me.

You see, I'm cheap. I'm capable of operating at levels of cheapness most of you can only imagine (it's called grad school, bucko). I can live off the cheapest food and stay fat. I can sacrifice almost all pleasures and entertainments that cost a dime (I've been to a movie theater three times in calendar year 2006). I'm willing to be cold, be dirty, be poorly dressed, even be hungry (yet I'm still fat). Most of the little things that other people end up pissing money away on, I'm able to avoid (and when I do make decision to spend the money, I'm willfully aware of the decision).

I brag in order to introduce a complaint, and to let you know that frequent such complaints will be coming, and why.

I heard a stupid suggestion on the radio. It was suggested that to curb binge drinking among minors, the price of alcohol should be raised. Let me hide all the swear words I would like to throw at anybody who subscribes to this idea behind %!@# &*&% $#@!!@! &*$. So to prevent minors from doing something that is legal for adults, we should raise the prices to punish the adults. Enforcing the laws that do exist isn't enough, apparently (there are stiff fines for minors who drink and for adults who buy booze for minors). We need to raise prices. The %$!@ with you and you're stupid %&#@#&#!@#ing idea.