Lessons and Ramblings

We at the Pacifist Viking household are expecting a little pacifist viking soon. We have names picked out. And here's some advise to people--if an expecting couple tells you the names they've picked out for their future child, don't grimace, make ugly sounds, frown, make fun, or say "Are you serious?" Clearly they've picked the names for good reasons--if you insult their name choices, you can only annoy them or worse. And if you are the one to bother asking about the names, then you have no business making fun. And if you think every kid in America should just be named Mike or Katieor any plain common name, you're a dull boring person and shouldn't bother people with your ideas at all. No offense to anybody named Mike or Katie or anybody who named their kids Mike or Katie.

Don't forget to use the gift cards you got for Christmas. Retail outlets make mucho dinero off of unused gift cards. Don't leave a single penny on them. There's no reason for the bourgeoisie to give free money to the capitalist fatcats. We should at least get cheap and lousy products out of it.

Santa Claus is a capitalist religious figure. The Revolution begins with the people. So the next time you see a mall Santa, beat him with a stick. Joking, joking! I'm a pacifist. This Revolution needs to be peaceful. Just call him a dirty porker. Maybe make a sign that says, "Did Santa die for my sins?" The key during the entire experience is to take yourself way too seriously and have utterly no sense of humor.

In all seriousness, the new arrival at the Pacifist Viking household will be taught about Santa, but will not ever be told that he's real. It will be for play play, not for real real. There's no harm in a fun celebration; I just don't want to teach my kid to believe in something that I know not to be true.

Sven has been on TV a lot lately, and now that Christmas is over, he's mostly just doing what he does mediocrely, which is read the weather, not what he does horribly, which is interact with rubes on camera. Our feelings are still mixed. He has maintained a nice winter tan, after all. I mean, I know that it's unseasonably warm and that it was raining last night when it should have been a wicked snowstorm, but that's just one tan man.

I'm now a vegan. I am a vegan for one reason and one reason alone: to act morally superior to everybody I meet. Just kidding! I'm a vegan for other reasons, and the chance to act morally superior is a pleasant side effect. No, I'm still kidding, I don't act morally superior to people. I was at a soiree last night watching people eat pork and shrimp egg spring rolls, and I kept to myself that pigs are as smart as dogs. I just watched them all eating little Wilburs, silently judging them.

Have a good new year, ladies and gentlemen. I know the first day of the year is usually spent hung over, and I guess that's as it should be. Pleasant parties, everybody.

Immature Highlight of Christmas Eve

Getting my young cousins to run around asking people "Who's Holden McGroin?" and "What's Holden McGroin?"

Coupon Nightmares

I am a sucker for coupons. Lately my coupon experiences have been less than ideal. The stores usually put out coupons to bring in the customers. Sometimes the customer will buy more than they would have without the coupon. I always go to stores when I have a good coupon. I am not talking 10 cents off at the grocery store, but bigger coupons. Last week I had a coupon for The Limited. I rarely shop at this store but made the extra effort due to the coupon. The coupon was for $15 off any purchase over $15. I was excited about this. After I got to the store I realized a few things first of all the clothes were way to expensive (even with $15 off) and almost everything was on sale. The coupon could not be used on sale items. Therefore I searched the store for something to use my precious coupon on. Eventually I found a $30 purse that I settled on. I really didn’t need it, but I would be getting half off and I love purses. I went up to the register only to be told that my coupon doesn’t work on accessories! What… There is nothing I can buy in this store with my coupon. Jewelry, pants, skirts, tops, all on sale. My only option was dresses a few hundred dollars over my price range. I then left the purse at the register and walked out. The Limited might have gotten me in their store with their coupon, but I won this time!! I spent nothing….well I would have liked the purse but really this coupon was worthless in the end.
Another coupon incident I had occurred a few weeks ago on my day after Thanksgiving shopping trip. Herbergers can out with a coupon for $10 off a $10 purchase. Of course there were exclusions on the early bird sales and a few other things, but sale items were ok. It took awhile but I found a nice gizmo for backrubs that would have been a great gift for A Bit More Humid. Of course it wasn’t that easy. My item was $9.99 and with tax $10.37. But the coupon was no good unless the item was $10 before tax!! So I had to search out the store for another item that wasn’t that great, but I settled. This time I felt the store had beaten me down; fortunately I did go home with an item with my coupon and did not have to spend anything extra!

Sven Faux Pas?

There's one reason in particular this site isn't called "We Like Sven Sundgaard": we firmly believe that Sven should never be given a mike, with an audience or interviewee, and be left to ad lib as he sees fit. He is TERRIBLE at this. The state fair interviews were an exercise in inanity. He's just not good at it. Read the planned out weather report? He can handle it. Speaking extemporaneously? Not a high point.

Sven hit his nadir on Friday evening, when he was interviewing a black marine talking about Toys for Tots (the color will come up in a moment).

The marine talked a bit, then said, "We really need toys right now for 10 year olds, boys and girls." Sven's response: "Excellent!"

Now, why it is excellent that more toys are needed for 10 year old boys and girls is beyond me. But that was not the faux pas.

After the marine was done talking, Sven said, "I think you're one of the better spoken ones we've had on here."

I shuddered and stared in awe.

I don't think Sven knows that there's in implicit insult in telling a black person, "You're so well-spoken," with its implicit tone of suprise ("You're so much better spoken than the rest of them"). To explicitly note that a black man is "well-spoken" can be indicative of surprise, as if one expects the black man not to be well-spoken.

Well, let's give Sven the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know that, didn't intend that, and would have said the same thing if the marine were white. After all, TV personalities do encounter a lot of shy rubes that don't really know how to talk coherently on camera. Let's assume that when he says this person is more well-spoken than most of the others, he's not referring to a black man, and not referring to a marine, but more generally to any of average rubes that Kare 11 personalities have been forced to talk to on camera.

Why I dislike Texas (1)

Here at "We Have Mixed Feelings About Sven Sundgaard," there are only three acceptable stances about anything: you can like it, you can dislike it, or you can have mixed feelings about it. We like Minnesota. So we begin a new feature to this blog: why we dislike other states. We begin, naturally, with Texas.

A Texas lawmaker is bringing forth legislation to allow blind people to hunt. You can read about this here, here, and here.

So that's reason number one I dislike Texas: some Texans want to make it legal for blind people to shoot guns at animals.

Pop

This week we purchased 16 12-packs of pop at Target. This cost $44. Also with this $44, we got $20 worth of Target gift cards.

172 cans of pop and $20 to spend at Target for $44. Normally I find every penny I spend a little bit painful, but this seems entirely worthwhile.

Cheap Pop in the Cities

If this blog existed for nothing else but to inform you of cheap pop, it would be worth it.

Pepsi products at the target on White Bear Ave: four 12 packs for $11 and you get a 5$ gift card. These are the times that Target can expect to see me daily. I assume the deal is not exclusive to the one Target.

But the Consumerist tells us a reason to be concerned about gift cards.

So, inveterate caffeine addicts, ejoy the cold beverages.

Cold? This isn't cold.

According to the Tax Foundation, Minnesota gets 69 cents in "Federal Spending Received Per Dollar of Taxes Paid by State." Well, that sucks. Actually, it ranks us 47th in the nation. So everybody in the rest of the country, just know that we are helping to pay for your roads and schools. You can address thank you letters to "Minnesota" and just see where they get sent.

The new Lavender is out and oh yeah, there's a crossword puzzle. This weekend will be fun. In addition to wine, gin, parting, and Sven standing outside all rosy-cheeked telling us it's cold, there's a Lavender crossword puzzle.

Recent News Stories Linked to Depression

Watching the recent news extras from local TV has made me want to become homebound. Are the news anchors really trying to scare us? First Kare 11 does a story about a rare form of breast cancer that cannot be easily detected!! The warning signs of breast cancer do not exist for this type. What are we supposed to do with that information, sit in fear?
As you may know one of my favorite hobbies is shopping. But my favorite mall apparently has faulty and dangerous escalators!! See WCCO’s Terri Gruca’s Blog for details. What am I going to do, well I guess I will have to find the stairs, for my own safety. I guess I will survive.

I understand news stations have to tell us about bad stuff all of the time. But really these extra stories… Maybe I am ready for some light hearted personal interest crap again.

Fashionistas are watching you, anchors.

I don't have much time for fashion; it's silly, fickle, and meaningless. Furthermore Bruno has done an excellent job showing how devoid of thought much of the fashion world is.

But what the hell was Amelia Santaniello wearing on WCCO last night? It was like a combination smock/overalls. Seriously. A white blouse covered by some sort of black smock that had straps going over the shoulders. It was indescribably ugly. I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying as I stared at that amazing fashion decision.

Scrooge (and Obligatory Mention of Sven)

Sven Sundgaard charms all of Minnesota by playing "Duck Duck Grey Duck" and drinking "pop." I still think Sven is incredibly uncomfortable with the "unscripted friendly banter" portion of the local news show, but he's not without hope. He'll never be Ron Burgandy, but perhaps he'll never again be that frightened little boy who looked helplessly into the camera and said "I don't really know what to do right now."

As I wrote below, I don't like Santa Claus and don't want little Pacifist Viking to believe in him. If you'd like to read more about why Santa Claus sucks, see "War on Santa" by Philip Kovacs.

You might read that and ask, "So, do you hate Christmas?" in petulant sarcasm. No, I'm not joining any fictional "war on Christmas" (read about that farce here).

But I don't like Christmas time. Not much at all.

It's a holiday that has been turned into a celebration of capitalism and materialism. It's covered with festivity, family, and religion, but all Americans know the true spirit of Christmas, and it involves a credit card and a mall.

Christas gift-giving, besides using materialism to show relationships, is fraught with OBLIGATION. Giving gifts to people I love? That's a good thing. Giving a gift to somebody that I rarely see because that person gets a gift for me? That's silliness. I hate the sense of obligation that comes with gift-giving. For some amusing takes on gift-giving, see this month's The Rake.

December is a busy time of year for me. I spend fair portions of it grading papers. Before that, I spent fair portions of it writing papers. So all the Christmas festivities and fakery is dull to me.

Now, I've never actually not enjoyed Christmas. I like my family and we have fun times when Christmas actually comes. There are a lot of good Christmas movies. And I do like this Jesus fellow being celebrated. I even put out lights on my house.

But Christmas now is a month of lame music, big spending, materialistic glee, and obligations.

Cheapness and Holiday Shopping

In today's world, to avoid feeling like a cheapskate and to show people we care about them, most of us spend lots of time and money preparing gifts for everyone we are close to. When you are as super-popular as I am, this adds up to spending a lot of money. And, as is obvious, we don't like to spend much money in general, if it can be avoided. Here are my tips for giving gifts on a budget during the holidays.

1. Spend Thanksgiving evening reading, re-reading, and re-re-reading the ads for all the stores in your area. Get up at 4:00 am the next day. Drive to said stores. Purchase inexpensive, doorbuster items for everyone you need things for. Done. (Seriously, the sale prices border on insane at some places. It is worth the effort)

2. Make stuff for people. Remember being a kid and making some crummy ash tray for your non-smoking grandmother out of clay or dry pasta? Didn't she love it? It was the effort and personal touch that counted, really. But nowadays, crafty items are popular (if well-done). People under the age of 60 are knitting, crocheting, and quilting, and the products they make are not only made with love, but they are similar to what stores are selling, in many cases. You can also make ornaments or baked goods. People like these things.

3. Have a baby. Have your baby get its hands covered in paint. Make a handprint painting and put it in an inexpensive but nice-looking frame. This will please most family members. Not to tip my hand about my plans for next year...

Santa Claus: Symbol of the Capitalist Holiday

Right now Child of Pacifist Viking is living a peaceful warm existence inside Possible Flurries' stomach. We have made a decision about our child.

We aren't going to teach him/her to believe in Santa Claus.

We'll still "have" Santa Claus; he'll be a jolly fun guy we talk about and laugh with. A game we play. But we aren't going to tell the kid he's real. Kids think an old fat guy in a red suit who lives on the North Pole, has reindeer, and is friends with elves, would be a really fun concept. We won't keep that from our kid.

There are many reasons for not teaching our kids to believe in something we are almost certain isn't real. Primarily, I don't want to have the following conversation:

"You know how we told you about that magic man that lives far away, and he can always see what you're doing, and he's full of magic and wonderment and brings you gifts? Well, we made it up. Yep, we lied. But God, he still exists. Yes, you should still believe in God--he's the magical figure you never see that really does exist, even though Santa Claus isn't real."

There's a lot of wonder and mystery and magic in this world; in fact somewhere around 95% of the universe is made up of Dark Energy and Dark Matter, which our best scientists know nothing about other than that it is there. I'm not arrogant enough to suggest that we have all the answers, or that "reason" has any value other than arbitrariness. With Fox Mulder, "I want to believe." In just about anything: ghosts, afterlife, parallel universes, God, and all sorts of other mysteries and enigmas. I think there's plenty of mystery without muddling the kid with early lies about the existence of Santa Claus.

So we'll have Santa, but our kids will know he's not real.

Rumblings and Ramblings

Do you think Sven googles himself? If so, he's probably found this blog. My guess is he was bored by it. He's a trendy metrosexual with a sense of style; he probably isn't interested in the half-mad half-bored ravings of a bunch of cheapskates. And if I had written "Do you think Sven googles himself?" a decade ago, what would you have thought I meant?

The Sven blog is temporarily down. That's obviously not a good thing. We already only have so much material to write about to try incorporate our blog's namesake; what can we do if they take away such a vital source?

We're late to the party, but we absolutely have to recommend Da Ali G Show. Sometimes I think I'm done laughing out loud uncontrollably--and then something like this comes along.

Our cat, Sue Ellen Mischke, she of the recently scraped ovaries, is a bitch. When we want to leave the house, we have to get a toy, throw it across the room, then sneak out quickly as she runs after it. I actually think her consciousness is fighting her instincts. Here's my stream-of-consciousness guess at her thoughts: "They're leaving, gotta get away, gotta get away, gotta get outside, they're leaving, what the hell is that? bright colors, gotta get outside, fight it, gotta sneak out the door, they're going to open the door, they're THERE IT GOES! CHASE! CHASE! CHASE! GET IT! Wait...no..no...NO! They're gone!"

Cross-promotional alert: if you want to hear my thoughts on Mission Impossible III, you can read them at Costanza Book Club. It's got new bright colors.

TV Tonight

Who will it be Mario or Emmitt?

My vote is for Emmitt the one and only 'Sir Shimmy'

If you don't know what I am talking about, I am not taking the time and effort to explain.

My Restaurant Reviews

This past weekend I was lucky enough to become a restaurant critic. Actually I just attended to four restaurants in 2 days so feel the need to write about it. Fortunately, since I am living on a budget I only had to pay for one of my meals out. This was helped out by a generous boyfriend and father.
First there was Old Chicago on Snelling Ave. I am a huge fan of Old Chicago especially the pizza. We didn’t have to wait too long since the couple we were meeting was already there and put our name down, but the wait total was about 15 minutes. I had an individual pizza, which is actually large enough to take some home for later. Having left-overs is a great part of going out to eat; you can get two meals out of one bill or at least one meal and a midnight snack. Overall I recommend Old Chicago, great food, service was a little slow but it was busy so understandable and about $8-11 per entry.
Saturday was a big day for eating out (it was my birthday so I wasn’t going to cook anything!!) Actually the only planed outing was supper on Saturday night, the breakfast and lunch just came up and filled me up! Breakfast was at Perkins by Mcknight Rd. No waiting at all. Friendly service (waiter had a big pen mark on his cheek so it was hard not to laugh at him every time he came around. Lots of food I had a sausage and cheese omelet that included hash browns and three pancakes. Needless to say I had left overs again. I just ate the rest of the omelet for breakfast this morning and it was still good the second time. Still have 1.5 pancakes in the fridge. Overall I also recommend Perkins.
Lunch was in Maple Grove at Fuddruckers. Great environment and again great food. I had a huge hotdog and French fries. The fries are great there; I couldn’t even eat all my hot dog… more leftovers. Then since it was my birthday I was able to get a free caramel and chocolate Sunday. Delicious. (Good to note it wasn’t embarrassing at all; they just nicely brought out the dessert and nicely set it on the table. I have been to other restaurants where this wasn’t the case. I won’t name names but it had the initials TGIF. It was really embarrassing. The employees all came out to sing and tie helium balloons to my wrists. How was a supposed to eat my food with balloons tied to my wrists? It wasn’t cool, but my brother father and mother sure got a lot of amusement out of it, oh well.) I also recommend Fuddruckers, but suggest going on a bit emptier stomach than I did.
The last restaurant for the weekend wasn’t until around 8pm Saturday night, it was Olive Garden near White Bear Ave. The wait was at least 30 minutes, lots of people. After we were seated the service was pretty good and food great as always. A few tables around us seemed to have problems with their service and food and got discounts and free meals, unfortunately everything went well at our table and we paid for at all (when I say we, I mean A bit more humid paid for it) I recommend Olive Garden. I had the fettuccine alfredo and of course the endless salad and breadsticks.
Ok the point is all the places I ate at were great… no complaints other than my extremely full stomach…

Weatherpeople, cheapness, and us

The Weatherpeople Control Our Lives
It snowed last Thursday night/Friday morning in parts of Minnesota. I know this for several reason, one of which is Kare 11's Friday 5:00 news LED with the snow. This continues to baffle me. Snow. Minnesota. LEADING THE NEWS.

Film about Weatherpeople
If you like the people that read the weather, you should see the movie The Weather Man. A story about a weather man explores the human condition. Fun times.

Cheapness and Wardrobe
I'm wearing a nice sweater I found in my closet. It used to be my dad's. I'm on a nice frugal wardrobe system: my dad buys/gets new clothes fairly frequently, and then passes down older clothes to me, which then become my nicest and best clothes. In 2006, I've purchased four clothing items for myself: khakis for 11.98, cords for 4.98, tennis shoes for 16.99, and a long-sleeved peace t-shirt for 6.98. And despite this, I have more shirts than I could wear in three straight months.

Cheapness and Buying Clothes
If you do have to buy your clothes, and you want decent clothes cheap, go to "Steve and Barry's," which seems to be revolutionizing the prices of clothes.

"It's like a sauna in here"

Minnesota is a weird state. How does a place that has been so cold recently suddenly pull a tropical climate day out of early November?

It's also a weird political state. We've had Jesse Ventura and continue to have third party impact in gubernatorial (my favorite word!) races. Our Democrats aren't called Democrats, they're called DFL (Democratic Farm and Labor). Now we've also sent the first Muslim to ever serve national office to Washington. We do things a little differently than the rest of you chucks out there. Happily, we are also a state that has not created a constitutional amendment denying equal rights to people, at least not yet.

And somehow, both state branches of legislatures belong to the DFL, all the bureaucratic positions (auditor, sec. of state, attorney general) are DFL, the only statewide federal position up for election was dominated by DFL (Klobuchar), there was a major upset that went to the DFL (Walz)...but we still have a Republican governor. How is this going to work out? But that's something about democracy: of the approximately 60% of eligible Minnesota voters who did vote, 46% wanted Pawlenty to be governor. That means this morning 54% of voters are unhappy, and we don't even really know about the other 40%.

Anyway, something tells me the word "veto" comes up in Minnesota newspapers sometime in the next four years.

Uninformed Voting

This morning I casually filled out the front page of my ballot. Well, somewhat casually. I have some slight OCD, so I was extremely slow in making sure I filled in the ovals entirely, but within the lines, and then in double-checking that I voted for the candidates I wanted. An easy page--all recognizable names and people I planned on voting for, and at the very least there were party affiliations listed, anyway. As I was ready to go, I flipped the ballot over, only to discover entirely more ovals to be filled out.

This side was a little harder. I recognized at least two things from this side (school referendum and sheriff), and knew nothing about anything else listed. However, among my OCD fears is that if I leave a single position unfilled, my vote won't get registered (I'm also worried that the St. Paul school referendum on the back had the same "not voting counts as a 'no' vote" stipulation as the transportation amendment on the front and that people will forget to do it). So how does one decide who to vote for judges one has never heard of? How do we even know what a soil and water commissioner does, much less know whether one randomly named person would do a better job than another randomly named person? Well, there are a few ways to make a decision.

1. Incumbents. If this is listed, you can vote for or against those already in office, depending on how you feel about the way things are.
2. Gender. Like my wife, if I don't know the people, I tend to vote for the woman. There are far more men in power in this country than women, so it is a semi-legitimate, quasi-informed way to make a vote that would otherwise be randomly based on the order the candidates are listed or the sound of the names. Which brings us to...
3. The names. I didn't vote for one woman just because her last name was "Reagan": I didn't like the association. You can choose names you like, names with letters you like, long names, short names, names of people that sound like nice people, or any stupid thing like that. Or...
4. The order the candidates are listed in. Do you feel people listed first might have an unfair advantage? Then vote for the person listed second.
5. You could play a childish game, with some stupid little rythmic, rhyming expressing as you bounce your finger back and forth between the names. This leaves your vote entirely up to fate or hazard (as you prefer).
6. You could not have OCD and leave the oval unfilled.

Comments on Frugality: Movie Theaters and Free Samples

The movie theater
In the calendar year 2006, I've attended a movie in the theater exactly four times. I saw Brokeback Mountain (excellent--actually, now I'm not entirely sure I didn't see it in late December, but I think it was early January), The Lady in the Water (awful), Snakes on a Plane (it is what it is), and finally, this Saturday I saw Borat with Possible Flurries. Four movies, even though I like watching movies. in 2005, I saw Revenge of the Sith in the theater four times itself. I don't know how many times I went to the theater in 2005--I would estimate somewhere between 25-40. But this is one way that I've proven talented at frugality. I show patience, and wait to see films on Netflix, which is a much more efficient use of an entertainment budget. But I had to see Borat, and it was well worth it. An unbelievable, original comedy with repeated laugh-out-loud moments.

Free Samples
If you take the free samples at a supermarket, what do you do? I usually nod and say "MMM" to the employee who is explaining what the product is. I don't want to just take it and eat it; for some reason I don't want them to think I'm a total cheapskate. But those employees aren't on commission, are they? What do they care whether I'm going to go buy the product I just mooched off them?

They Day-Old Cycle and Red Wine

Day-old Donuts caught in vicious cycle.
The Kwik Trip on the east side of Woodbury sells day-old donuts cheap: 50 cents for two. It is quite easy to see how this happens.
1. Store has extra donuts day x, puts them out day x+1 cheaply.
2. Person comes in day x+1, wants donuts, and gets the cheaper day-olds rather than buy the more expensive fresh donuts.
3. At the end of day x+1, there are extra donuts because of day-old sales. The extra donuts are put out cheaply on day x+2.
4. Repeat cycle into infinity.
We are the beneficiaries of Kwik Trip's vicious cycle.

Rats drink red win and live a long time. It's worth a shot.
Something in red win helps obsese rats live a long time, according to new research. From now on, when I'm looking for a beverage to cut my gin with, red wine will be the first choice. According to Rob Stein,

"The substance, called resveratrol, enabled mice that were fed a high-calorie, high-fat diet to live active lives despite becoming obese — the first time any compound has been shown to do that. Tests found it activated genes that protect against the effects of aging, essentially neutralizing the harmful effects of a bad diet on the animals' health and life span."

Tommorrow's headline: "Fat Guy's of World Rejoice, spend money on red wine."

Because I will be drinking red wine, I can keep buying day-old donuts.

I'm back, baby!

For some divine providence, I am somehow able to access blogs today. Thank you, internet devil, for temporarily disturbing my school's monster filter system. Awesome.

As we all know, yesterday was Halloween. We learned in the last post that Pacifist Viking dressed as a burrito. I dressed as a reverse camel. I had been looking forward to passing out candy for a while, since we have so many kids in the neighborhood, and our last place didn't allow trick-or-treaters (LAME!). So, I was excited to see the kiddies in their costumes.

We had close to 200 kids come, I would guess. One bad thing that happened is that we ran out of candy, like right away. It didn't help that we ate like a whole bag of it over the weekend. By 7:05, I was blowing out the jackolantern and turning off the lights. I actually hid in the bedroom for a while. It was terrible. But Pacifist Viking returned with more candy, so all was well. The trouble was the only candy left for him to buy at that time on Halloween was Starburst. I like them and all, but these were not intended for trick-or-treaters; these were individual squares. And since Pacifist Viking didn't want to have to leave the house again, there was a while where I was handing one little Starburst to each kid. Yup, we were that house. I am surprised nobody egged us.

Here is my plea to homeowners all around: give teenagers candy on Halloween. Teens are people too. But they are too big for their parents to buy them costumes, and they are too young to drink (legally), so what are they supposed to do with the night? I bet this happens for like half the teens. They decide the are all going to hang out, but then they have nothing to do. They don't have costumes, because they are too cool for that (or so they thought). But by 7 or so, they get silly and someone finally says, "Should we just go trick-or-treating?" They do. They brave the cold and the ridicule of adults who think they are too big to have fun. They go from house to house, like beggars, trying to have an innocent, good time, trying to reconnect with their childhood. It is sad, almost. So, people--GIVE THEM CANDY! They already have lots of bad things to deal with (zits, pubs, homework, etc). They deserve a smile and a treat. And the longer they are out doing harmless things like that, the longer we keep them sweet and not pregnant.

They can take my dignity, but they'll never take my burrito

Oh, you think a college professor has too much self-respect to past a piece of tinfoil on his forehead to get a free veggie burrito from Chipotle?

You're wrong, my friends. Very, very wrong.

How to put no "real" effort into your Halloween costume while still being creative

I don't really want to spend a bunch of time, money, and effort making an elaborately creative Halloween costume. Hell, I didn't even dress up when I went to Revenge of the Sith. However, I'm more than willing to put imaginative energy into a costume.

For example, one year I wore a Hawaiian shirt with the top two buttons open and said I was a bookie. On Saturday I wore my peace sign shirt and said I was a Berkeley student. Tonight I might wear a Titleist hat and say I'm my dad. And then there's the old Craig Kilborn joke: "Guy shows up at a costume party with no shirt on, somebody says, 'What are you?' and he says 'Premature ejaculation: I just came in my pants.'" That's good comedy.

So put a little imagination into a costume that requires no effort at all. Keep a cigarette in your mouth (even if unlit) and say you're a Bingo player. Wear a stocking cap the entire time and say you're a person standing outside. Really, the possibilities are endless, and you just might get to make offensive jokes in the process.

Any other ideas?

Sven Sundgaard in Lavender, energy-saving lights, and Halloween candy

Sven in Lavender
Sven was featured in Lavender magazine's Fab 50. The Fab 50 features "queer and queer-friendly people, places, organizations, and events that make the Twin Cities our kind of towns—and yours." Sven is featured as the local TV personality, and it is said that "He’s Svensational!" Are they aware of the good people over here?

I enjoy Lavender magazine, but every time I read it I am usually disappointed. This summer one issue of Lavender featured a crossword puzzle, and now the first thing I do when checking out a new issue is page through in hopes of a crossword. I haven't found one since that magical summer issue.

Energy Bulbs
For some reason, after putting in some energy-saving fluorescent light bulbs, my house now reminds me of the 1980s.

The meaning of Halloween
Halloween is like reverse Social Security. When you're a kid, you get to free-load off of society's willingness to hand you free candy. The understanding is that when you are older, you will willingly allow kids to mooch off of you. You get candy when you're a kid, you give candy when you're an adult. The system works.

Daylight Savings Time? More like Devil Savings Time! .... No, "Daylight" is better.

The Consumerist reminds us that this weekend is the end of Daylight Savings Time. I've always thought that changing between Daylight Savings and Standard Time is evidence that human beings are bored and we need things to think about. But now I see that when Daylight Savings time gets pushed back 4 weeks, the nation will save about 1% on energy costs. Why not just abolish it altogether? By winter we'll be driving to work in the dark anyway--what possible good comes from making it get dark earlier? I hate Daylight Savings Time and everything it stands for. Wait, no, I love Daylight Savings Time and I hate Standard Time. The Consumerist gives us and links us to other energy saving tips that we will immediately begin to follow.

The commercial life (or, I am interested in this "Head On" product, but I am not sure exactly how it works)

And now, back to our raison d'etre. We don't want to spend money, so then we end up watching too much TV to entertain ourselves, and then we comment on that TV, with an emphasis on local TV (like Sven Sundgaard).

Political season can be a brutal time for the television enthusiast. It's very difficult to avoid the bombardment of advertisements. It is likely that no matter how hard you've tried not to know, you know that Amy Klobuchar's mom takes Lipitor. You really can't not know these things if you watch a TV.

When watching these political ads, try to learn things about yourself. For example, if you've watched TV in the last few months and you don't think Mark Kennedy is a total dick, well, then consider the possibily that you are yourself a total dick. Because you probably are. If you find Michelle Bachmann attractive but then feel bad for finding her attractive, you have difficulty separating images from ideas. If you don't find Michelle Bachmann attractive because she has crazy eyes, then you are correct: she does have crazy eyes, and is probably crazy. If you find Michelle Bachmann attractive because of her crazy eyes, then you probably like crazy people. If something bothers you about Mike Hatch's teeth, but you're going to vote for him anyway, then you just might be me. If you see commercials for state auditor, and you don't say, "Hmmm, what does a state auditor do, anyway?" then you should probably run for state auditor the next time you get the chance (we need people like you in the auditor's office). And if you've changed your mind about who you are voting for based on these commercials, then you are probably paying close attention to commercials: could you just tell me how "Head On" works?

(note: We do have political views that are not trivial. We will vote, and we care deeply about who wins. But there are enough political blogs out there. Here, we will always attempt to be trivial)

Frugality and Humanity (3)

I know--we're at serious risk of this becoming "Kitten Watch 2006." After this week, mentions of the terror that is Sue Ellen Mischke will be limited. Once again, the content of this blog will focus on Sven Sundgaard (and the raccoon living in his work space), local TV, Twin Cities life, and frugality. To keep our focus somewhat relevant, I will tack on the Sven thoughts I've had recently that I haven't yet deemed worthy of their own posts.

All my feelings on Sue Ellen Mischke have been confirmed by a veterinarian. When discussing her surgery over the phone, the doctor told me, "Honestly she's acting rather evil in here." This is to be expected on the worst day of her life. But those of us living with her already know that she bites, scratches, and generally gets her way.

Perhaps she will come back a little more mellow. She's actually scratched holes in three of our weatherproofed windows. She continues to try going for them when we're around even though she knows she's going to get sprayed with water (she just wants attention--there's no evidence she's doing any such thing when we're not there).

The Raccoon
What are we to make of the raccoon living in Sven's work space? How many other people are forced to work with a raccoon on their work spaces? Shall we admire Sven for his treatment of the raccoon? Is the raccoon a glory hog?

Belinda and Sven
What does Belinda Jensen think of Sven Sundgaard? It's possible she holds him in complete contempt. More likely, she sees him as her younger male counterpart: somebody parlaying a pretty face and bland personality into a lucrative position as a local celebrity who reads the weather.

(photo from here)

Frugality and Humanity (2)

note: I'm not going to allow this blog to be a place to incessantly share pictures and stories about my cat. I'm not going to become "that guy." This blog is primarily about four things: Sven Sundgaard, local TV, Twin Cities life, and frugality. I will only mention Sue Ellen Mischke when it is relevant to those topics.

Sue Ellen Mischke is all full of piss and vinegar right now. She has already scratched a hole through our weather-proofing (it's now taped), and she repeatedly attempts to escape the house where she then crouches with her stomach to the ground like a weirdo and freezes.

But she's not going to be so energetic when she's getting her overies scraped out.

Yes, folks, the time has come for legendary cheapskate Pacifist Viking and his not-quite-as-cheap wife, Possible Flurries, to pay $188 to have Sue Ellen Mischke spayed and vaccinated. Let me tell you how excited I was to hear that I'll be paying almost two dimes (see? gambling lingo) to calm my damn cat down. Not at all. This will most assuredly be the worst two days of her life. Unfortunately, I actually care about this furry little annoyance and don't want her to go through with it. But I also don't want her bleeding all over the house, running outside, or having kittens. Even PETA says we should spay our pets.

So alas, take my $188 veterinarian, and give me back a sterile but still happy cat.

Frugality and Humanity

Sven was back to soothe us this weekend. Sunday night, we needed it, after the Vikings got our blood pumping fast fast fast.

We winterized our house this weekend, with the help of my dad (translation: he did it); just a few more things to get done. This means that we put plastic over our windows. It's a necessity in an old house to winterize in order to save on energy costs and to keep the house warm. In the process, we probably gave our cat, Sue Ellen Mischke, the worst day of her life. We believe it would be inhumane to declaw Mischke, so we let her stay potent in her meanness. However, these claws would certainly ruin all the work put in to winterize our house. So for the entire afternoon, she was locked on the porch. This isn't awful--she still had her litter box, food and water, soft places to lay, things to play with, and lots of windows to look out of--but she thinks she's people and wanted to be with us. And then we purchased these little plastic things to put over her claws so that she couldn't damage things and would learn to live without clawing things. In order to put this on, I had to hold her tight (including keeping her head away from Possible Flurries) while Possible Flurries placed these plastic contraptions onto her claws. She whined, pouted, hissed, and twisted about. It was a lousy day for her.

The weekend got better for her, though. Possible Flurries bought and carved a pumpkin which led to much amusement, she had a pleasant time tormenting me, plenty of guests were around to amuse her, and she was easily able to twist around the awful Halloween outfit Posssible Flurries bought for her. She's coming around to forgiving me for her awful day.

Infamous

If you look hard enough there is always something to do in the Twin Cities area. Well actually you don’t have to look that hard at all. Living on the East Side of St. Paul, we get the East Side Review nicely delivered each week. Last week the front cover had a story about the Smooch Project that was going on during the annual art crawl downtown. So a bit more humid and I decided to check it out. It was a free event, therefore keeping nicely within our budget. We had to do something cheap since the pervious night we attended Mystic Lake Casino. I lost all my money (well I only spent $20) and like always A bit more humid came out ahead (well he gained $2.45). The weekend was pretty full. Since my home only has the cheapest cable package and a bit more humid has none, we went out to a friend’s house with ESPN to watch the Gophers vs. Badgers football game on Saturday. Anyone who doesn’t know the score already, just know that I was pretty timid watching among the Wisconsin fans that I was surrounded with.
Anyway we went to the art crawl Saturday and participated in the smooch project, which is a photography art exhibit. Check out the website. Not only may we be on the website or in the photographers future exhibits, but we might be in the the East Side Review. So soon we are sure to be famous!!

A weekend without Sven

We didn't see Sven this weekend. Like "60 Minutes" for Elaine, Sven is a part of the weekend routine that keeps us calm. We may have mixed feelings about him, but we also have mixed feelings about the fact that our cars pollute the environment. We still drive them.

Lousy Movie that's kinda sorta good.
I think my new Saturday night routine will be to drink gin while watching a lousy movie that's kinda sorta good. This Saturday it was Stick It. It shouldn't have entertained at all, but it did. Even though I spent the first twenty minutes reading Animal Times, and we did discuss at what point Jeff Bridges wrote the letter that he mailed in during this movie. It was not what one would expect.

Decorating the house.
While notoriously cheap, we still decided to spend some money on Halloween decorations so that our neighbors would know we are festive. We've purchaseda few decorations to scatter about the house and yard, highlighted by a purple glowing pumpkin in the window. Why purple? Well, besides the fact that I'm also a notorious Viking fan, using a color other than orange means that it can serve as a decoration for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and Valentine's Day.

Weathermen and bluster

I long ago took an interest in George Orwell's pleas for good English usage, and more and more I'm critical of overused, misused, or meaningless cliches. I now turn my wrath on the weathermen.

Last night on WCCO (sorry, Sven, for the disloyalty...wait, we've got mixed feelings, I don't have to be loyal...alright, screw loyalty), Paul Douglas described why the roads were suddenly so dangerous. There's snow, then the snow melts, then the snow freezes: a combination of factors converges, and the result is a dangerous situation. Of course, the cliche for this is "the perfect storm." And Paul Douglas used this cliche.

I suggest weathermen (and women...sorry that the term "weathermen" is gendered, but I can't use weatherpeople comfortably, and I won't call them forcasters, I don't have to play their game) never use a cliche that has to do with the weather. In this case, Douglas said the snow came, melted, and re-froze, creating "a perfect storm" that caused the traffic issues. But it wasn't a storm. Moreso, it wasn't a perfect storm. This was a cliche from weather that is used for non-weather situations being brought back in and used as a cliche for weather--but NOT the weather phenomenon being described. It makes it confusing and meaningless.

The weatherpeople (OK, there, I did it, and it's a hopelessly ugly word) should avoid cliches in general (though in their attempt to be folksy, it's not bloody likely), but absolutely MUST avoid cliches that originated in weather. Do you see the confusion?

1. A term from weather is used.
2. That term from weather is then used for non-weather phenomena, used to illustrate the nature of the non-weather phenomena.
3. the term is now brought back into weather but used for a weather phenomena that was NOT the weather phenomena that originated the term.

Levels of Cheapness

Although this blog is intended to discuss living cheaply in the Twin Cities (and Sven) there are defiantly differences among the writers. The level of cheapness has a spectrum. Pacifist Viking is by no contest the cheapest and I am pretty sure I am the least cheap of the 4 of us. Although I am trying to live on a budget, I really can’t stop myself from enjoying life. Shopping is one of my favorite pastimes, so this is a problem with a limited budget. I am always on the look out for a great sale or clearance! And window shopping does work sometimes. Unfortunately for my pocket book I am one of those people who shops and buys to make myself feel good. The end of a bad week, the mall is a perfect place to start a great weekend. This is my confession to our readers. But always know I do try to keep the purchases cheap. Once about a year ago, realizing my closet was full and my wallet wasn’t, I cut myself off from buying clothes. I kept to it for about 6 months. What I ended up find myself do was buying other stuff instead, like jewelry, purses, and shoes (since it wasn’t actually clothes). So I do spend my money much to Pacifist Vikings dismay.
So last weekend I went to the free Alpaca Farm. This weekend I might actually pay for some entertainment.
On a side note, the heat has been turned on! Thanks Pacifist Viking

Alpacas and more

Looking for a cheap and fun fall activity? How about check out an Alpaca farm. This past weekend A Bit More Humid and I went to one with my family. Not only was it free, but surprisingly fun. It was basically a petting zoo. The only cost was gas to get there and 25 cents to but food to feed the animals. Although the Alpacas we saw were quite a ways away I am sure there are plenty of local petting zoos in the area. Aren't they cute?

Paradox? We don't need no stinking paradox!

In a new local political ad, former governor Jesse Ventura criticizes politicians for name calling. He calls them "name callers."

Twin Cities TV, Twin Cities Cheapness

--Two lines I loved on "The Simpsons" syndicated episodes yesterday. The episode when Homer becomes a food critic is especially funny.

"We have to stop Homer Simpson. He gave my restaurant a bad review. I had a friend put a horse head in his bed. He ate it, and gave it a bad review. True story."

"I have a saying: 'You can't teach a manitee any tricks.'"

--For some reason, those incessant ads for "Desire" and "Fashion House" are starting to intrigue me. I'm afraid someday I'll accidentally watch an episode and be hooked. I must prevent this from happening at all costs.

--For cheap good food, you can't beat the 99 cents sale for the KFC Buffalo Snacker. Even the regular $1.19 price is pretty good. It's the best idea since General Tso first whipped up his special chicken. My vegetarian wife doesn't appreciate me eating at KFC (she doesn't criticize me eating meat, but her PETA readings give her a particular distaste for KFC). I eat there anyway. I don't respect non-mammals; I feel bad about eating mammals, but figure we've beaten the non-mammals and get to eat them. Then again, we also have opposable thumbs, so maybe we should just not eat the animals with opposable thumbs. Sometimes I taunt my cat with my thumb. I make fun of her because my relatives are monkeys and her relatives are tigers. So don't eat any apes or monkeys. And if I'm not eating mammals or fish, can I call myself a vegetarian? Some vegetarians eat fish, after all. I'm not eating the fish because of the mercury. Frankly, since we've made it out of the sea and evolved lungs, I think we can eat them too. We've beaten them, too. Viva Evolution!

For your amusement

So a team that has already clinched a playoff birth spends a Sunday afternoon/evening partying and drinking like it just won the World Series, and less than 48 hours later it loses a playoff game. Coincidence?

Sven has blogged about his marathon experience. Be sure to check it out.

If you haven't had a laugh yet today, check out Marmaduke Explained.

If you don't like me (and frankly, I don't blame you) and would like to see me insulted, scroll through the comment section here. I get called a "Child," a "Dick," and worse, a "Republican." I am accused of "ignorance" and "self-insulation." So far, this has been the highlight of my day.

cheap and proud (and let me drink cheap)

When people call me "frugal," I assume they don't understand me. When people try to compare ways they save money with ways I save money, I assume they don't understand me. When people talk about living cheaply, and then I hear them say the things they are actually doing, I assume they don't understand me.

You see, I'm cheap. I'm capable of operating at levels of cheapness most of you can only imagine (it's called grad school, bucko). I can live off the cheapest food and stay fat. I can sacrifice almost all pleasures and entertainments that cost a dime (I've been to a movie theater three times in calendar year 2006). I'm willing to be cold, be dirty, be poorly dressed, even be hungry (yet I'm still fat). Most of the little things that other people end up pissing money away on, I'm able to avoid (and when I do make decision to spend the money, I'm willfully aware of the decision).

I brag in order to introduce a complaint, and to let you know that frequent such complaints will be coming, and why.

I heard a stupid suggestion on the radio. It was suggested that to curb binge drinking among minors, the price of alcohol should be raised. Let me hide all the swear words I would like to throw at anybody who subscribes to this idea behind %!@# &*&% $#@!!@! &*$. So to prevent minors from doing something that is legal for adults, we should raise the prices to punish the adults. Enforcing the laws that do exist isn't enough, apparently (there are stiff fines for minors who drink and for adults who buy booze for minors). We need to raise prices. The %$!@ with you and you're stupid %&#@#&#!@#ing idea.

Athletics are Fun (or, "I choose not to run")

According to the Twin Cities Marathon's official website, Sven Sundgaard finished the race in 4:08:18. Good work, Sven.

Our official favorite football player Bart Scott had a big game in the Ravens' 16-13 victory over the Chargers. Bart led his team with 11 tackles and also had an interception, which he returned 24 yards to the SD 22, setting up the Ravens' first touchdown. Good work, Bart.

If you watch local TV, you got to see the Twins getting drunk, grab-assing, and pouring booze all over each other. For some reason these festivities were deemed worthy of wall-to-wall coverage. Good work, Twins and local TV networks.

Cheapness Report

Our new favorite football player
When Sports Illustrated asked Ravens Linebacker Bart Scott about his cellphone ring tone, Scott responded, "Basic. I'm not giving a dollar to nobody."

And with that, Bart Scott becomes the official favorite football player of We Have Mixed Feelings About Sven Sundgaard. That's just the right way to respond.

Cheap Pop in the Twin Cities
As first sighted by A Bit More Humid, Target is currently selling four 12-packs of pop for 9$, then giving you a 5$ gift card for your troubles. I've already been there once; I will be there again. To me, there are three ways to approach this deal.
1. You are paying 9$ for four 12-packs and get 5$ for whatever you want.
2. You are paying 1$ for each 12-pack of pop.
3. The second time you do this deal, you are getting the four 12-packs for free.

Well its official, Minneapolis/St. Paul is going to host the 2008 Republican National Convention, the same weekend as the State Fair. How wonderful!!! That wont be a total disaster.

Alone in my office laughing until it hurts

Via Moncrief Speaks, I've been able to laugh my face off at Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke.

Marathons and Money

This weekend, October 1, 2006, is the Twin Cities Marathon. I am sure many of you have no interest in running or watching running, but you should be aware that Sven will be there. He is an avid runner according to his Kare 11 blog and is getting ready for the weekend. He is even getting his calf massaged tonight. Sven is also predicting good weather. So the question is considering our abnormal interest in Sven should we be attending his local events? We already try to watch his weather coverage and keep up on his blog, but is that enough? He is often involved in community activities as a host or MC. Maybe seeing him live will help us sort out our mixed feelings?

I am looking to attend a play or musical, but of course and continually trying to live cheaply. I am not sure if it will be possible to get off to cheap in this area. The Chanhassen Dinner Theatre is showing Grease and ticket are about $50-70 including a meal. Tickets at the Gutherie are also around $50, but nothing there I am too excited to see right now. Ordway is showing Chicago in January but tickets are also around $50 a piece or more. Anyone have any ideas for a good show at a smaller price?

My Drug of Choice

No, it's not meth. Meth is gross, people. I am talking about American Idol. I am having a personal struggle, as I often do in the weeks preceding a new season of Americal Idol: do I get involved?

During season 1, we had a big group that got together every week to enjoy the novelty of American Idol (along with booze and fine company). It was awesome. I always remember that as I try to decide my fate for each new season. But here is the thing: that group aspect is gone. And the novelty long ago wore away. How many times can Simon Cowell creatively tell someone they suck and still be funny?

And yet, I still want to watch. I do this every season, and every season, I waste my life away, watching multiple episodes per week of a show it is predictable and somewhat boring, after the crappy people get weeded out. I haven't cared about who won in years, and I never have and probably never will buy a CD of anyone who has ever been a contestant on the show (I know what you may be thinking--"didn't you vote for Kelly Clarkson?" Yes, I did. But it was more anti-Guarini than pro-Clarkson).

I have come to this conclusion: either I am being brainwashed, or American Idol is like a drug (metaphorical or otherwise). I am helpless against it's powers. So, I have decided, after much deliberation, to commit myself to yet another disappointing season. Here were the deciding factors:

1. They held auditions in Minneapolis. I may very well see people I went to high school with or other people I know. That will make at least one episode worthwhile.

2. Although I always stress about keeping my evenings free certain nights of the week for shows that are on more than one night (btw, thanks for ruining my summer, Big Brother All Stars), with American Idol, it is never a problem. If you miss an episode, they will cover the results and highlights on Fox 9 Morning 'News' as if it were actual current events rather than a shameless promotion of another network show. Bastards! Sven would never do that.


For all these reasons and more, you know what I will be doing with my spare time this fall. It's a nasty habit, but I'm not ready to quit.

Cheapness, Politics, and Cold

I’ve mentioned that in order to pay my $118 speeding ticket, I intend to give up unnecessary spending, even if it means sacrificing many pleasures and going hungry much of the time, until I make it up. In six days, I’ve already not spent $18 dollars. This might be something I need to keep doing. I’m trying pretty hard to spend between two and five dollars a day on meals.

Does anybody else think that St. Paul is an extremely political town? For months it has seemed that every other property posts signs for either Fletcher or Finney, two candidates for Ramsey County Sheriff. SHERIFF! Some properties inexplicably feature signs for both Finney and Fletcher. The race we are following most closely is Amy Klobuchar and Mark Kennedy for U.S. Senate. Let’s home that Mark Kennedy’s attack ads are a sign of desperation. Frankly, we don't like any political advertisements--they merely get in the way of watching commercials for products we'll never buy.

We would have signs up in our yard, but alas, we think that would cost us some money. We support with our votes, not with our dollars, lest we no longer have a yard to not post signs in.

And yes, I’m the nasty villain responsible for Possible Flurries and Partly Cloudy and Pleasant living in a cold house. When they can’t sleep at night out of fear that they will not be able to afford the house they are living in, then they will appreciate the cold. Soon I will be weatherproofing the windows, anyway: I have the caulk. I just need a caulk gun.

Crappy Weather

So it feels like it has been raining for weeks. When will it stop? Sven give us some hope please!
Not only is it rainy but cold. And for those of us who are trying to live cheaply (or those of us who live with people who are trying to live extra cheaply) the cool weather leaves a difficult choice. Either turn on the furnace and start paying for heat, or keep the house very cold, save the money and pile on the blankets. Well I am living in the latter... I am at my parents for the weekend and planning on bringing back sweaters, blankets, and slippers to combat the cold. Of course as soon as I do this it will get nice out

Of course the term 'Crappy Weather' used in my title is purely my opinion. Using terms like this is exactly the reason Pacifist Viking hates weather men and me

SURVEY SAYS...

As I have been spending more and more days in my small little apartment, I have once again gained appreciation for the fine TV that is day-time programming. When I was younger I remember watching The Price is Right, Family Feud, and other such fine game shows. As I got older I came to appreciate Soap Operas (Days of Our Lives was my favorite). However, lately as I have been watching the TV I have noticed a phenomenon that I am not sure is entirely necessary. The level of local news programming is getting to be a bit extreme. One station in particular is guilty of overkill, they have the pre-morning show news, the mid-day news review, the 4 pm news, the 5 pm news, followed by the national nightly news, which is then followed by the 6 pm local news, then there is a nice break and we are trated to the 10 pm news. Although this station isnt guilty of this, other local stations have a 9 pm news show, in addition to their 10 pm news show. So that is a total of 6 news shows on in one day!!! What is the point of all these news shows? I understand people are always coming and going, so they might not be able to get the news at 6 and/or 10, but 6 shows?!?!?! I am not saying news doesnt happen during the day, but in the few days that I have experienced this, nothing has changed from 4 pm to 5 pm. Here is my plea... stop the insanity, dont give us news constantly throughout the day. Isnt that what CNN or Headline News is for? I miss the good old days, when daytime television was more about game shows and crappy acting then it was about what is (or isnt) happening locally.

People are talking about Sven

I was just searching the internet and found this other blog entry about Sven... (Don't ask how I came upon this) The comments to the entry are the most interesting part.
Check it out
http://www.pileofsassy.com/2006/04/20/why-isnt-anyone-talking-about-sven-sundgaard/

It's an enigma wrapped in a riddle

The real question I have: is Sven Sundgaard a cool guy, or is he an uber-dork? Seeing him on TV and reading his blog does not allow me any insight into this question. We all missed Sven last weekend, who is at some sort of conference and was replaced by the always entertainingly dressed Pat Evans. A while back he had a crazy striped shirt with no suit or tie; this weekend he had a shirt and tie decked out in purple (Viking supporter, or fan or Prince? [as a fan of parentheticals, I'm going to take this to the utmost extreme (I've always wondered if Prince, from Minnesota and obsessed with the color purple, is a Viking fan)]).

Anyway, here is one tip on how not to spend money.

Don't get a speeding ticket.
If you get a ticket for speeding 1-10 miles per hour on White Bear Avenue, you will have to pay $118. However, if you have a clean driving record, there's evidently a number you can call to try keep this ticket off your record. Let us never discuss why I know this.

However, IF you do get a speeding ticket, do not make it about a sacrifice of money: make it about a sacrifice of pleasures. For example, if you are typically really hungry after an evening class two nights a week and stop for fast food, don't. Go hungry until you get home. This could save you $5-6 a week, which goes a long way toward making up that $118. As the architect in The Matrix says, "There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept." In order to make up for a speeding ticket, just go hungry. Or, let's say you have a relatively cheap, enjoyable, but unnecessary hobby, such as collecting football cards. Instead of giving up $118 from what you have, consider the punishment a moratorium on buying football cards.

My trip out of MN

Note: Pacifist Viking has made the last 4 entries and therefore making the other contributors feel guilty. Therefore I am adding a post that really doesn't relate to Sven or living cheaply in the Twin Cities

So this past weekend I made a quick jaunt to southern Wisconsin. This was my second trip to the Madison area and I am still getting used to the area. This is Jon’s home area so he doesn’t think anything of it, so I thought maybe everyone else would find my story humorous. Actually I know (according to Pacifist Viking) I have never said anything funny in my life, therefore this probably won’t be funny, but hopefully entertaining (and you can read this for free). First of all a few terms: Pop is now soda. Really we only crossed one state, why the change? And the more time I spend with Jon the more I hear myself using this crazy term. And I also learned they don’t use hot dish, casserole instead. What is that about? ‘Tater tot hot dish’ has a much nicer ring to it than ‘tater tot casserole’ Anyway…
So my first visit to Jon’s home town about a month ago included a tour of the town. I was quite surprised to see a Pigley Wigley. Yes I have heard of this grocery chain on TV and movies, but frankly thought it was a store from the 50s and 60s that had long since moved on. Well here is was in front of me. On my second trip to this town, last Saturday I was privileged enough to make two trips to the Pigley Wigley. The first trip with Jon’s mom I just took it all in, seemed like a normal grocery store to me, nothing out of the ordinary (other than the name on the building). Then the second trip I saw something amazing. GRAB BAGS. A grocery store with grab bags. Wow, I was completely intrigued. After years of going to Crazy Dayz sales with my mom I was quite familiar with the grab bag concept. Basically the store can’t sell something so they put it in a bag with a bunch of other crap they can’t sell and use curiosity to get it out their door. But my thought was, what could I grocery store put in the grab bag, was it going to be outdated food? So after a few moments thought, I picked out a $2 grab bag at the Pigley Wigley. They also had $5 bags, but I am attempting to live cheaply.
Here it is. My two dollars paid for these two amazing items. I had to open it in the car I was so excited. First we have a Crunch candy bar with caramel. Seems good enough, although this candy bar has been discontinued. Then the prime item in the bag, the Seed Pods Sweety Pea. This includes (as written on the package) a seed pod (growing dome); sweet pea seeds, sweet pea action figure, trading card, peat pellet, and growing instructions. All for a listed price of $5.99. So the bag included product valued at about $6.70 or so which led me to a savings of $4.70. Of course the reality is I would have never bought these items on their own, so really wasted $2. But the enjoyment, that is priceless. Of course I then had to go back to Jon’s parents and explain my strange purchase, which could have been a bit embarrassing, since frankly who would actually buy a grab bag at Pigley Wigley. I think I just need to get out more.
So next time you are in the Madison, WI area make sure to check out the local Pigley Wigley, you never know what it is store for you!

(I do have a picture of my grab bag, but can't seem to add it to this post)

Monday in the Twin Cities

Twin Cities on the Cheap
Minneapolis-St. Paul is terrific place to experience culture sans money. The Minneapolis Institute of the Arts is free. The Sculpture Garden, featuring Spoonbridge and Cherry, is also free (you may have to pay to park there, though). There are a lot of theaters, and if you think rush tickets are too expensive, there are also a lot of colleges with solid theater departments. If you're lucky, you could even get invited to a wedding reception at the Minnesota History Center, which features a great view of St. Paul from the balcony, and a view of the capital from the dance floor we were on. We here are this blog enjoy getting invited to weddings: the amount of food and booze we get usually surpasses the amount we spend on a gift (not to mention the free fun experience, and, oh, supporting those we know and love as they wed).

Sexism on Kare 11.
On Friday evening, Julie Nelson and Diana Pierce were the anchors. An "Al" (I think Allan Costantini) was doing a feature on e coli in spinnage. He held up a brush, and then said to the anchors something to this effect: "Do you two know what this is? Oh, of course you both know, but for all the guys out there, this is a vegetable brush." Possible Flurries and I just looked at each other open-mouthed, both thinking the same thing: "Did he just say that?"

I suspect Allan Costantini got into TV news in the 1970s in time to say things like, "It's anchorMAN, not anchorLADY" and "I heard their menstration attracts bears."

Vikings win
The mood of the town should be good. You can read about the Vikings at my anchor blog, Pacifist Viking.

Want to know if you're not smart? TV can help.

The great Jim Rome once said, "If you don't hate reality TV, you're not smart."

Let's not go quite that far. But let's use TV to tell you if you're not smart.

If you prefer Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? to Jeopardy, you're not smart. It means you prefer about 10 multiple choice questions surrounded by a lot of inane chatter, a lot of gimmicks, and a lot of time wasting about nothing to a show featuring up to 61 challenging questions with only a little bit of inane chatter and gimmicks based on word play. Or you have a thing for Meredith. I guess that's OK. Maybe you're not stupid.

If you're one of the people responsible for making Two and a Half Men the most popular comedy on TV, but you've never seen an episode of Arrested Development, you're not smart.

If you ever preferred Home Improvement to Seinfeld, you're not smart. It means you prefer conventional structure, male stereotypes, and a guy grunting "OOHH, OOHH, OOHH!" to the perfection of comedy that is Seinfeld.

I don't think we need any standardized tests. We should just give kids a sheet of paper and tell them to list down their favorite and least favorite TV shows. The answers will tell us if they should go to college.

Also, if you think I'm a jerk for writing this, you're absolutely right and righteously indignant. To calm yourself down, just enjoy the photo of Sven Sundgaard from his bio at Kare 11. The soothing good looks of Mr. Sundgaard should bring you inner peace and freedom from anger at my hurtful words. He soothes me whenever he tells me about storms, hot weather, and goats.

Sven Sundgaard, Burgeoning Gay Icon?

Like all relatively heterosexual men in the Twin Cities, I spent part of my Saturday morning paging through the new issue of Lavender, the Twin Cities free gay themed magazine. Whose face should I suddenly see but Sven Sundgaard's! He will be the Celebrity Game Show Host for the Carnival of Life, which is brought to us by the Aliveness Project (Aliveness Project? That can't be real, can it? Doesn't it sound just a bit too much like The Human Fund?). The Aliveness Project, according to its web page, is "a community center located in South Minneapolis that provides services and programs to the HIV/AIDS community."

Lavender is one of the sponsors of the Carnival of Life, which you can read about at the Aliveness Project's homepage.

I like to think that I have better things to do than to speculate on who is or isn't gay. And of course I have a long-standing "Not that there's anything wrong with it" policy. But Sven Sundgaard seems to have the look to be a burgeoning gay icon. If it weren't $100 a ticket, I'd consider going to the Carnival of Life to check him out (please see this blog's subtitle). Being a gay icon, of course, doesn't necessarily mean a person is gay.

What I hate about weathermen and what I hate about you

The Weather People
I hate that when TV weather people are forecasting the weather they use all sorts of subjective terms for the weather. Days that are hot or at least sunny get called "nice" or "good" or "great." But I don't think sunny days are great. I like rainy days, cloudy days, colder days. So I have to get used to listening to the weather and filtering everything they say into Bizarro Languange.

You
You probably use poor grammar when talking about weather and temperature. Temperature is an objective measure of kinetic energy in the air and cannot therefore be hot or cold; temperatures can either be high or low. Weather is subjective, so it is up to the speaker to call it hot or cold (but not high or low--that's senseless).

The state of the state

Last week, Minnesota had the pleasure of experiencing some severe weather. Rain, thunder, lightning, wind the whole bit. I am not a fan of severe weather, never have been, and after my adventure driving back from Super Target in a deluge, I am pretty certain that I never will be.
After narrowly escaping with my life from a torrential downpour, I had some dinner, and thought that maybe I would get a chance to see one of the reality shows that I enjoy. However much to my disappointment it wasnt on, instead I got to see a live radar image of the current weather situation. Was it of the events of the cities?...oh no I was seeing images of the area around Rochester. Soon realizing that CBS wasnt going to give up too easily, I changed channels, surely our good buddy Sven and Kare11 had some common sense, and realizing the danger to the metro had passed would have returned to regular programming. Once again I was mistaken. Sure enough, as I turn to Kare I hear Sven talking about... oh I dont know weather stuff I guess. Now as much fun as it was seeing a very serious Sven (he had his sleeves rolled up) stumble through the events and watching Belinda get madder and madder at him, and eventually taking everything except the use of the computer mouse over, I didnt feel it necessary to have a play by play of what was going on all those miles away, I dont think I needed tips on what to do in case I live in a trailer park, and it definitely wasnt necessary to have interviews of people who are "in the middle of the action"
Oh well, I guess what I am saying here is, I dont mind getting my tv interupted for breaking news stories, but please if its weather related (Im looking at you Sven) have it effect me, and dont treat me like a moron and tell me that I should get to the lowest level of my house.

Sven or not to Sven

Since I am still unsure about Sven, I have decieded to compile a short list of what I know about him. Maybe putting it all down in black and white will allow me to understand if I should like this TV personality or not.
-He is on Kare 11
-He does the weather
-He is from MN (grew up in Cottage Grove, I wonder if he went to Park High School? )
-He is 25
-He graduated from SCSU (just like me)
-He cannot ad lib
-All the girls love him (the state fair crowd screams for him) I did notice his co-anchors made fun of him for this.
-His brother is names Sverre
-He rolls up his sleeves when severe weather is near
-He runs marathons

Ok really this info didn't help me at all I still have mixed feelings about Sven Sundgaard
I guess this means I will continue to watch Kare 11 news on the weekends to see what Sven does next!

Paranoia

I don't know how the rest of you feel, but I have issues because the media (and I am in no way blaming Sven directly) has for years now been leading people to live their lives in fear. My issue is that it is working. I am paranoid about 'the terrorists.' Here is how it manifests itself most obviously in my daily life:

First, public schools are supposedly a scary place now that kids have begun shooting them up. This is a very serious crisis, though the cases are thankfully pretty isolated and rare. The school I work at is very safe, and the students are very sweet. And yet, at times I have moments where I wonder if the kid who I told to tuck in is shirt is going to come back the next day with a grenade or something. Now, I don't really have serious fear, or I probably would change careers. But at times, I worry.

Here is something even crazier: I assume terrorists for some reason want to attack the East side. Why? I don't know. Because we rock. Because they are jealous of Phalen Park. Whatever. But the other night, for example, I called the police because I saw a suspicious-looking bag of trash. That's right, a sack of refuse scared me to the point where I called for help. AAAAHHHH! I am sure it is nothing (or I hope), because it is still sitting there in my neiighborhood. Sidebar: PEOPLE SHOULDN'T LEAVE TRASHBAGS LAYING AROUNG THE NEIGHBORHOOD, EMPTY OR FULL.

So, anyway, in my opinion, the terrorists have already won. I fear rubbish.

Minneapolis-St. Paul: second drunkest "city" in America

I don't really like that Minneapolis-St. Paul gets combined in a lot of these city studies, but it's certainly better than just calling it Minneapolis and ignoring St. Paul. But I guess most of these city studies actually refer to a metro area.

But Minneapolis-St. Paul has been declared by Forbes Magazine to be America's second drunkest city (you'll have to go to Forbes and find it--some online newspapers and magazines do their damn best to make it impossible to link to articles directly). Only Milwaukee has us beat.

All I can say is, I've done my part in making this "city" great.

The State UnFair

The Minnesota state fair is starting in St. Paul tomorrow and has already started to cause me grief. As this is my first summer living in St.Paul I am noticing a few annoyances.
First my bus route was rerouted so that the set up at the fair grounds could begin. Although I was still able to travel from St Paul to Minneapolis campus, it was a bit bothersome.
Then there is the parking. Students have no where to park on the St. Paul campus since it is connected to to fair grounds. Even the streets will not allow parking during the fair. Which means I will not only not be able to go the state fair, but now cannot even enjoy my free internet access at the library
Finally is the news. The local news stations will all be broadcasting from the fair. The viewers at home will get their fill of fluff stories and most likely get little content out of every single news cast until after labor day. We will get to watch the news casters eat food and have fun. But I wonder when Sven is eating that hotdish on a stick and gushing on and on about it, is he really in tune with his viewers. I don't think so. Us veiwers are not not able to enjoy the state fair due to our lack of money (or lack or willingness to spend it on the fiar) but now are also extremely hungry for the food they keep showing us.
So thanks Sven, thanks a lot

Kare 11 at the Fair

Let me just say that despite my usual frugality, I am a huge fan of the fair. I really want to go this year, but I'd prefer if it was with someone who would pay for all my food and whatnot. One fun thing about the fair, for me, is to go around to all the radio stations and tv stations and look at the 'celebrities' in person. I used to spend countless hours at the Edge booth (oh how I miss the Edge!). This year, if I go, I will stop by the Kare 11 place and see the people who have inspired us to write nonsense.

Now, if you are like me and you watch tv all day all summer (god I need a hobby), you have probably seen the commercial advertising that the Kare 11 people are in a new location. Good for them. But they are where the newborn baby animals were. Does that mean there will never again be teeny little tiny little piglets and calfs and jackalopes and the like? I really enjoyed that part of the fair, so I hope that is not the case. And if it is, I fear I will harbor resentment for Sven and my other new friends for taking over the animals' place.

Anyway, speaking of that commercial, does anyone else think it is hilarious to watch Sven in it? All the Kare people are sitting around with cartoon farm equipment and some of them (like Perkins) are really into the whole thing. Then, a milk jug glides across the screen, and out comes Sven, rising like the Great Pumpkin on Halloween night, standing politely with his hands crossed over his crotch, with a big shit-grin on his face. I imagine that the first time he saw the commercial he thought, "This is my life?"

Ahh, Sven.

Dating on a budget

Dating can get to be an expensive undertaking. Trying to woo a young lady into a relationship can drain ones pocket book in no time. So as a service to you, I have decided to make a short list of things to do that are both fun and the cost is agreeable to even the most modest income.

1) find a discount movie theatre. Sure the movies arent always the newest, and the floor can be sticky but really the joy of going to a movie is sitting next to that special someone. An added way to save money here is to bring your own candy, and if youre feeling adventurous, maybe youre own drink. If no discount movie theatre is around, a nice weekend matinee is a nice price beater

2) go for a walk. Find a nice park or even a quiet neighborhood and take a slow paced walk. This a good way to learn about each other, and enjoy each others company.

3) go to the mall. At first this may sound like a potentially expensive trip, but that doesnt have to be the case. The mall has a lot of visually stimulous, the two of you can look at the stores, with no pressure to buy anything, a simple "Im just taking a look around" to the sales clerk will get them off your back. This is also a great way to beat the heat on those 100 degree days.

4) go to eat at local places. good food, and pretty decent prices can be found just down the road (usually within walking distance). There is no need to spend your weekly pay at Don Pablos, when you can get pretty darn good tacos at The Taco House.

5) Play board games/card games. just about everyone has a deck of cards or some sort of board game. Its a great way to socialize, have some friends over and in some cases see if you work well as a team.

I wonder which of these suggestions Sven will use on his next date.

Why we have mixed feelings about Sven Sundgaard

There are many reasons we have mixed feelings about Kare 11 weatherman Sven Sundgaard. Let's narrow them down to five.

1. Sven is in his mid-20s; we are in our mid-20s. We're still not used to seeing people our age as legitimate contributors to the adult community (we say this despite careers in positions of relative adult authority). How can we trust somebody our own age to tell us what the weather will be like? That's senseless.

2. Sven can't ad lib. Earlier this summer, Kare 11 had an unexpected malfunction (as opposed to an expected malfunction) in their computer system, and the graphics to show the weather failed. We assume that somebody with training in either broadcasting or meteorology would at least be able to TALK about what the weather would be like the next day. No, Sven stood there in utter horror, unable to do anything. He even said, "I don't know what to do right now" before some producer mercifully cut to anchor Mike Pomeranz who did know how to ad lib (because as Jerry tells George, they tend to give those jobs to people who are, you know, in broadcasting).

3. Sven is in a ridiculous commercial. Sven, in all his metrosexual glory, gets ready to go jogging in a tank top, shorts, stylish sunglasses, and immaculate hair styling, as the camera pans around to different parts of his taut muscular body. During this preparation, Sven speaks in a language that I assume is Norwegian, and ends with a "You Betcha." Then he takes off running. We don't know whether to love or hate this commercial. We are not gay men ("Not that there's anything wrong with that"), but if we assume that if we were gay men, we would like this commercial.

4. Despite wanting to dislike him (he reminds us a bit of all the cool kids in high school), we sort of like Sven. He's pleasant to look at, and he brings out the dorky banter and unfunny joking like a regular local TV news personality. But he does this without looking like a typical schmuck in a suit. There doesn't seem to be any reason to name this blog "Sven Sucks," "We Hate Sven," or even "We Dislike Sven." But we also don't see a reason to make a fanboy blog lapping love on Sven.

5. We actually don't care about Sven at all. Not even a little bit. but this is the sort of amusing bit of Twin Cities commentary we can make. You see, we don't like to spend money. If we did, we would read about the restaurants, theaters, and other cultural activities in the local newspapers and magazines (we're regular readers of The Rake and Lavender--after all, they are free magazines), then go spend our money. No, we like to sit around, spending our money on nothing (this also means not spending our money on expensive TV packages--we pay $10.33 a month for cable, thank you very much, and we only pay that to ensure that Viking games will come in clearly). This means that the parts of Twin Cities life we are best suited to comment on are the free activities (St. Paul is filled with nice parks to walk around in), and TV. But a blog about our walks through St. Paul's parks would be pretty dull. So we decided to devote the majority of our commentary to local TV. But we are also hypocrites, so we occasionally shell out a bit of money to go to a cheap restaurant or movie theater (such as Friday, when I ate an entire box of Sugar Babies while watching "Snakes on a Plane").

So far we've got 4 commentators, so pay attention to who is writing each post, since even though we often write in the royal "we," we are separate individuals with divergent opinions.

Enjoy?